The Citadel
by GarrusVakarian2153
Summary: after a long shore leave for Garrus and Shepard, as ordered by their superiors, Shepard plans on finally getting around to visiting the citadel. A now haunting and heavily damaged husk of a former great station. with many memories and emotions as they visit various places, and with the keepers mysteriously vanished, what are the chances it could just be a normal trip?
1. Morning of

Morning.

I woke up just as Earths sun began to push its ways through the tree's and in through the windows of the house Shepard and I were given. I sat up and swung my legs off the bed. My neck felt a little stiff so I grabbed the ends of my crest and pulling at it to the side until that familiar cracking noise ran down my neck, then same the other way. Damn i feel old_?_ I stretched out and yawned, shaking away the grogginess of weeks of relaxation. Then I turned to check on Shepard, who was still sleeping. She was curled up and somehow managed to throw all the blankets off the bed in her sleep. Not that I never needed them, and Shepard never complained about the cold. Especially since it didn't drop below 15 degrees on this island. Despite that, Shepard always did love wrapping herself in them. She had that familiar look on her face, a grimace of sorts that told of an unpleasant dream. Despite the war being over for over a year now, there were still nights where she was restless.

I always seem to wake up first, guess I'm used to longer days of Palaven or just don't need as much sleep. I stood up and walked over to my pair of discarded pants and put those on. My shirt was... somewhere, I'll find it later. Then I walked over to the fridge, took out some food and Dextro-Caffeine, then made some coffee for Shepard and left it on the warming plate and stepped outside. I took a seat on the chair out on the house's balcony and watched Earths alien sun rise up like it's own wake up routine. _Almost__ like a morning on Palaven _I thought_._ I ate my breakfast casually thinking over a couple things. Like how long it's been since I've been home, or seen my Family. Even during my month and a half on Palaven –soon as the relays were functional enough to get me there, along with the rest of the surviving Turian forces- I never got the chance to go back to the area of the city where I was born. Closest I got was a view from miles up on the way in on a shuttle. Smouldering with only a couple fires left burning with that solemn orange glow of everything you grew up with being turned to ash. I thought I could almost make out some building that were Landmarks of the city, though obviously severely damaged and barely standing. And you could see other areas where there was nothing, barren craters in the city that spanned a couple miles where in the centre still lay a half melted reaper corpse. The Miracle on Palaven, can't stand to think how there were still thousands of people around there indoctrinated or not when they set off those nukes.

During my time on Palaven and I wasn't even able to recognize half of what I saw. Massive indoctrinated quarantine camps. Mass graves. Overcrowded combat hospitals and more sorrow than I care to remember. There were a couple buildings around the area I worked in that gave me a true sense of how bad it was, I remembered them, Strong Military bunkers all reinforced and with enough fire power in them to make a krogan whimper. I used to marvel at these strictly defensive and offensive buildings guarding the perimeters of our cities and used to think nothing could match them. Indestructible.

And now it seemed as if they were all made out of simple trees. It was bad everywhere, not just on Palaven. All the Galaxy looks this way, all looks beaten and bruised. _It_ w_ill take time, but we'll have this place just as it was_.

Looking around me now there wasn't much damage here, perhaps why they chose this place for Shepard to get away. There was some historical 200 year old navy harbour from one of the humans world wars a few miles away. A single reaper stopped by to turn it to scrap. Other than that the whole of this Island was relatively untouched by the war.

After I finished my meal, I messed around my omni-tool for a bit, listened to some music, and re-read the conversations I had with my seems if timing works out she'll arrive in the Sol system on our last day of touring The Citadel. Which is good timing, I'm sure Shepard could use something like meeting my sister after were done sifting through that empty husk of a space station. Something neither of us are particularly looking forward to, but something Shepard says she has to do to "put those ghosts to bed". Hmm. I'm sure Sol and Shepard will get along great, much to my own expense I'm sure.

I took in a deep breath, held it for a moment and let it out in a long sigh, sub harmonics making a low rumbling sound as I did. Shepard then walked out to join me on the balcony, cup of coffee I made for her in her hand.

"Missing home Mr. Vakarian?" Shepard said she walked behind me and leaned her elbows on me, reading my conversation with my sister over my shoulder. "Home. Hmm, not really sure where that _is _anymore… spent a lot of time in a lot of places." I closed my omni-tool and turned to look at Shepard. Any evidence of whatever she was dreaming was no longer on her face, She seemed a little more up-beat. Ready to face the day ahead. "Palaven is your home, your turian Remember?" she said as if I wasn't aware "and the Normandy is your home, hell The Normandy is my home too, more than Earth ever will be anyways…. Still a nice view though" she said looking over to the same sunrise I was watching all morning. "easy for you to say, you weren't born on your home world." she shrugged in agreement and we sat in silence for a moment. Then she stepped into a more amusing conversation "and despite you being from a completely different planet, you managed to end up with one of those 'humans from earth', ewwww. Unless that doesn't apply to a spacer like me." She shook her head at me with a disappointed look, intimating what i took as a shocked turian. Then she laughed at her… impression of a Turian's opinion on my romantic interests. "Shepard—" I began to protest but she was already continuing with her exaggeration- "but on the bright side, that _Human_ is THE commander Shepard, which despite being no-where close to home in terms of accepted romantic options it still makes _you_ the luckiest Turian—no, luckiest man in the Galaxy." She put her hands at her hips in a quick heroic pose as if she was narrating her own vid.

Knowing I couldn't just let her get away making me out as a hapless and lucky Turian, I countered her with "heh, well I still have the countless fan girls if this thing falls through" I said giving her a 'im the badass and you know you're lucky to get a Turian like me' look. Then it turned into a very fun conversation with only one of us ending up on top. "HAH! Yea all that krogan fan mail must _really be weighing you down_" she finished with a long sympathetic drawl. "see? My stunning looks have shattered Krogan-Turian amnesty" I coughed at that last part, while holding back laughter as we battled to see who could make the other crack first.

"hmm, we'll I've seen bigger weapons tough guy" she said, folding her arms with that unimpressed look but also noticeably holding back a huge smile

"uhuh, and not even your spectre status will get you access to those. And Im sure you wouldn't want to risk an inter species incident. Wouldn't want another war on our hands" I said

"All I'd have to do is ask" she shrugged confidently "still have a stash of requests in my back room from when we killed that thresher maw for Grunt's sweet 16" she said with a smirk like she knew she already won.

"His what? And you kept those?! SHEPARD! Not even death itself is allowed to have you. I won't let it….. Annnd you won"

"Hah, I think I'd believe you could stop that. Still not sure how any of us made it out of that last one, And I already knew I would win. Just throw you off with a human thing you don't know of, then make you _REALLY_ jealous. And your sub harmonics show me all the emotion your face can't. I love that about you, makes kicking your butt at these conversations oh soo worth it"

"You want facial expression? don't date a Turian" I chided, shrugging my shoulders, acting unimpressed though pride still simmering a little on the inside from losing.

Shepard Sympathized me same way I did to her when we figured out I was the better shot back on the Citadel she said "Been with you this long, I think I'm a little past the point of no return. Besides," she walked over and placed on hand on my shoulder and brought her face close to mine "I Love You Garrus Vakarian" she nuzzled her nose to mine, then backed up a bit, smiled and added "don't ever think that's gonna change you oversized parakeet"

I scrunched my face at her and glared lovingly "you know I don't like that comparison and that there is no resemblance. Aside from that I have no intention of ending this thing either…. I-…. Love you too"

_damn it, real smooth._

The thought of the Citadel flashed my mind again. We were heading to where I almost lost her. Holding back a sudden feeling of despair I quickly said "I… well I'm glad you're able to follow orders Shepard even from subordinates like myself"

"Hmm well it's not like I would let you get away with telling me you love me just once now would I?" she continued to smile at me, watching me. "And that hum as you say _love_. Hmm, yea definitely worth coming back from the dead again to hear."

"All those romantic skills I guess" I said.

"Yea… and now where heading back to the end. Might as well get it over with huh?" she said, settling into a more serious tone.

"No," I said thinking even further back to when I was nothing but a hot head C-SEC officer meeting her for the first time. "were heading back to the beginning."

End Part 1


	2. The Pick Up

PART 2 – The Pick-up

"That _really_ necessary?" Shepard asked as I pulled out my heavy armour from the closet I was forced to leave it in when we arrived on this wonderful island. There was little around to remind you of what was still out there, and Shepard said she wouldn't let me stay if I were to keep the armour on. Civvie clothing it was.

"That really need answering?" I asked giving her a quick look of 'I'm sure you already know it's absolutely Necessary Shepard' a drop of my right mandible along with a raise of my left brow plate.

She rolled her eyes a little then gave in "fine, when you start whining about how you can't combat roll in armour don't be whining at me"

"Rolling requires ducking Shepard, and I don't know how to do that –have the scars to prove it- besides, while your busy rolling around in your tactical cloak, I'll be shooting the bad guys"

_Bad guys? Your heading to a ghost town, you only want the armour cause you miss it._ I threw my hands in a half careless-half casual manner and added "Not that there will be anything to shoot…."

Shepard looked down and I could tell she was looking as forward to this trip as I was. And I'd rather let James recalibrate the Normandy's systems then do this. But it's something that Shepard feels she needs to do, and I plan on being with her every step of the way.

I sighed and looked at her sideways as if that would give me any more insight onto how she was doing than what my visor was already telling me. _Hey, the smart thing would be to go remind her she's not alone. _I walked behind her, half dressed in my armour and put a hand on her shoulder. "Look, Shepard. There's no bullets this time…. Or… rockets" she turned and gave me a half smile "so, that Means I can guarantee that I will be with you this entire trip. And I'll be there after. May as well get this over with together"

"I do kind of miss that comfy 'huggy' feel of wearing armour." She said, reverting back to the beginning of the conversation. "yeeahhhh, and you can just think it's…err… nevermind" I stopped myself before I said something stupid again but of course Shepard knew where I was going with it anyways "and just think it's you hugging me the whole way. Haha that's a good one" she laughed and smiled at me the way she does whenever I manage to cheer her up. –_good job Vakarian, keeping those cheering-up skills sharp, now if only you were good at those romant- _

Satisfied, and with Shepard a little less solemn I returned to putting on my armour, still with the dents on the front from EDI a few weeks back. I rubbed my hands over them before turning it over and putting it on. That same old comfort as the seals clamped shut and the internal padding and gel layer presses firmly over your body. That hum you can feel as the internal computers turn on and all the lights flicker to life.

And the flow of new information as my visor receives vitals and other information from my suit. Almost expected a _'welcome home Garrus, we missed you' _to scroll across from the damn thing. Everything in order I rolled my shoulders and turned my head each way, * Crack * _damn, you're getting old._ Then just sat and watched as Shepard lazily rifled through her messy side of the closet and pulled out her armour. One of her older pairs from back in the Cerberus days she had kept in her closet on the Normandy along with all the other armour she bought, but never wore.

She had bought some really high end stuff before Thessia, massive shield, backup and redundant generators, reflective armour with advanced gel layer for maximum energy dispersal, limited edition Medical computer with extra Medi-gel reserves for maximum efficiency. And the latest in light bending technology.

I spent around 5-6 hours looking through the specs of her new armour, comparing it with what she already had, and what I could possibly get my hands on to improve it, and when satisfied that there was nothing better on the market, I tinkered with the computing system to add 34% to her shields, added and remote vitals tracker to her medical computer to input directly to my visor with a 4 mile range. And even managed to add a personal radio sync in case she was interested in getting into some actual music, -and not the regular tracks she keeps in her quarters- while killing reapers.

And I Like to think it accomplished something because there was literally nothing left of the armour when we picked her up back on earth. Some half melted outer pieces, gel layer fried with cooked medi-gel into her wounds which were barely sealed, burns everywhere like she decided to just jump into one of the burning barrels on omega. From how it looked when she left me on the Normandy at the Beam to how It looked when I saw her again on Earth 3 Days later; And I just shudder to think what would have happened if she was wearing anything less.

#

After Shepard finished suiting up, she placed her radio-piece in her ear and said "Normandy, this is Shepard, Garrus is done prettying himself up for pick-up, what's your ETA?"

"_Really_ Shepard?" I gave her an unamused look, last thing I needed was for joker to have more banter to use against me at will, 'stick-up-my-ass-Vakarian' and "The commanders"... nah, I don't need you guys knowing that one. Point is, they stopped working. Shepard ignored my protest and just sat, waiting for a reply, though I'm pretty sure I saw a small smirk escape from her.

Another moment and Joker Crackled on, followed by EDI, who was sounding more herself these days

"oh? you too love birds finally deciding to come out of retirement? Were just finished pre-flight checks, will be over Hawaii in 5"

"Was that a pun Jeff? Do to Garrus resembling some of the avian creatures of Earth?" EDI asked "And I apologize for the delay, the crew insists that my own pre-flight checks are insufficient, to which I insist on the fact that I can take care of myself"

Shepard turned at me and smiled waiting for my reaction to yet another bird reference which "I love soo much" _I really _don't. I just shrugged my shoulders at her, as if I couldn't really give a damn.

"Yes EDI, PUN oh so very much intended, you get that Garrus? And EDI you're not gonna go through a young and rebellious phase are you? Don't want to feel like my dad. Cause, you know, that would be weird" Joker spoke rapidly.

Shepard and I didn't say anything, instead EDI said "as weird as dating an AI?... That's connected to your ship? That _IS_ your ship? Hmm, maybe I am feeling a little rebellious. I AM the Normandy, and you're always riding aboard it. Thought it was time _I_ get to ride YOU"

"OHHHKAY EDI, you can stop right there!" joker exclaimed over the comms to which I said "yes joker, I can hear EVERY word"

"dammit, I—just give me a minute, we'll be over" with that, the radio cut out and we both sat laughing to ourselves.

Then Shepard added "you know EDI, it's not just joker who rides aboard the Normandy, now I will probably feel a little dirty stepping aboard her now" _don't care how dirty I feel, joker is never living this moment down._

"careful Shepard, wouldn't want to make Mr. Moreau jealous". Joining in the verbal bully circle.

"oh this so isn't happening right before we all get shoved onto the same ship for the next 8 months" joker whined, I could imagine seeing him shaking his head in his hands.

Then the three of us replied to him all at once "oh it so is".

Within a few minutes the Normandy came screaming overhead, Joker didn't even bother dropping down the shuttle, rather he brought it over to the cliff near the house and opened the Cargo bay door. With a short march out the front door each with a pack of things we brought from the Normandy and a couple mementos from our time on this island we jogged over to the cliff and jumped the meter wide gap between the Normandy, land, and a 200 foot drop into the ocean below, with the two of us back on board we took off back out into space. Back out into everything we left behind.

_Holiday is over_. Back to healing the scars of the Galaxy, starting with the heart of it.

End Part 2


	3. Broken Heart of The Galaxy

Part 3 – Broken Heart of the Galaxy

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Ever seen a building fall? Something you always thought would stay the same, the normalcy of its pristine presence taken for granted. Something so remarkable it's sheer presence would shake the hardest of turians. I remember feeling a little overwhelmed first time my father brought me to the Citadel when I was 13. Humans had only just gotten their Embassy, but I remember my dad explaining how it didn't really mean much at the time.

"This is where you work dad?" I remember asking, young foolish Turian still with a lot to learn. So damn long ago, like another life.

"This is the Citadel Garrus, the greatest example of diplomacy and cooperation between every species in the galaxy. Even ones like the Batarians… we Even let humans have an embassy on here now, not that it really means much when you look at the bigger picture. But spend enough time here and you realize despite how different these… aliens are, the galaxy can be a very accepting place."

"so… you help create the peace?" I asked, "No, I help keep the peace. Rules create order, without order the constant fight to be on top would be chaos. By upholding the rules, you keep order, and through it peace. It's a constant war between those who follow the rules, and those who seek to break them. I show those who choose the latter the errors of their ways"

"Isn't hard to stop those not playing by the rules when you have to follow them yourself? Wouldn't it be easier to just let people like spectres stop those who create chaos?" even then I could see how rules would slow someone down while their target danced around them. Something that didn't take long to notice once I actually started working with C-SEC.

"Spectres are no better than those breaking the rules, because they have none. Without rules or morals to keep yourself grounded you create more of a mess than you clean up. One of these days one of those spectres are going to kill hundreds of civilians just to stop one individual not following the rules. How does that make a spectre any better than the person he just killed?"

I was always a little intimidated by my father whenever he went into one of his lessons, but he taught me that I must be my own person and never hide in my shell. So I asked "so… if the rules said you had to answer to a Human, would you? Would you follow the orders that human gave you?"

He looked down at me, piercing me with a stare that would silence you, but also with a look of someone who was proud to be challenged with such moral questions by their son.

"Luckily, that will never happen in my lifetime. But, if the rules said that I am to take orders from a Human, I would put my faith that those rules are there for a reason. And I would follow those orders, without question."

"so….. You think someday I might be working with a Human?" I asked, not sure how to feel about it, and trying to digest all my father was saying as if he were to quiz me on it later. He let out a brief grin and said "by the time you take my place here on the citadel you probably won't be able to avoid it."

#

"Citadel in sight Commander, were pulling up on it now… or what's left of it" joker announced through the comms as Shepard and I were down in the cargo Bay prepping our weapons-

"hey, you remember the good old days where we were allowed to just cart our weapons anywhere we wanted throughout the citadel?" Shepard said as we made our way through the ship as It was flying out of Earth

"You thinking of reliving those days Shepard?" I asked, already having a good guess as to where she was going with it. "Hell yea, armour doesn't have the same feel when you're not carrying a black widow on your back, besides if I see a window that isn't shattered, I'll gladly correct that"

"And I'll be syncing shots from behind you for when you miss, that way you'll never know, and won't feel bad about it"

"Shut up Garrus, you may think you're the better shot, but I've got a higher kill count" she said, defending her pride.

"That's because all my time is spent watching your six" I said

"Yea, I bet Garrus" she said, smiling

"That's not what I-"I exclaimed, a little flustered.

- "thanks joker, were just grabbing our gear, we'll be up in a minute" Shepard replied as we finished grabbing our full set of gear for the great lack of things we will be shooting at. It's been a long time since I've been in a fully combat ready suit. It gives you a feeling like when you get to fire 'the big gun' your inner child -yes turians have an inner child- is screaming at how awesome it feels. We even stocked our suits full of medi-gel. You feel prepared, ready for anything, oddly the same feeling I had when we crashed on the collector base and Shepard made me leader of team two...without the obvious threat of death of course. Even brought along my new helmet –of which I haven't taken the time, or even got a chance to test out all its features. Puts my visor to shame.—though I wasn't planning on wearing it the entire time. It was all an excuse to find something to feel good about on this trip. Bringing all your gear is a good feeling.

Prepped and ready, Shepard and I took the elevator up to the CIC and walked up to the cockpit where joker and EDI were working. "Let's see what we're looking at joker" Shepard said as she walked over and hit the button to remove the shutters and give us all our first look at the Citadel. As they were opening EDI looked over and noticed our overkill-preparation and asked "you're in full gear, it is unlikely you will encounter any resistance aboard the citadel. I do not understand"

"Were just looking for a way to have fun, times like this it's the small things that give us a reason to smile. We both love opportunities to carry around our full gear…. It's an organic thing" Shepard explained.

"I see, if you will permit, I would like to participate, and see If I too can share in this sense of '_fun'_." EDI replied, turning back to the terminals she was tapping away at.

"Yea why not, go ahead and grab your gear before we head out, meet us back here" Shepard said.

"Just make sure Garrus doesn't do something, like you know, rip her arm off again." Joker said, insisting on always complaining whenever EDI goes ground side on missions. Even when there's no danger on this visit.

Neither Shepard nor I responded to this, but instead we all remained silent as we all looked out the window and got a good look at the citadel.

It reminded me of a lot of the surviving war ships from the final battle with the reapers. No-one in sword or shield fleet got away from that battle without some exterior damage. I even remember hearing from an LT. on Palaven about a turian dreadnaught surviving the battle even after a destroyer class reaper had latched onto the front of it, tearing through the entire front of the ship with its claws, The captain ordered they fire the main gun even though the minimum safe distance for any dreadnaught-to-target is a few miles. The shot bypassed the reapers shields since it was so close and tore the damn thing into several pieces. The shock wave obliterated the entire front armour of the ship and continued through, shattering the hull all the way to the back of the ship. Despite missing the front of the ship, it was still able to fight, and even fly. They fired another round to clear and obstruction and it was pretty much a sawed-off dreadnaught. Most of the surviving crew had to be treated for various levels of internal bleeding from the pressure wave, but looking at the ship anyone would have a hard time believing any of them made it off alive. Or that the ship was still able to function.

That same level of destruction could be seen looking at the citadel. It had taken them a few months to move it over to Mar's orbit, with plans to salvage it and with Earth's orbit still riddled with debris they managed to bring it over and use mars as a base for repairs and salvage operations.

The two arms of Zakera ward and Tayseri ward were no longer attached to the presidium. The Citadel were being held in place by multiple 'anchor ships' modified super-transports with large mass effect field generators to keep large things in place -Like the Citadel-. The wards that were still connected to the presidium had a noticeable twist to them, like the blades on a fan. Zakera and Tayseri were being held close to wear they were originally attached. But were still probably a good 4000M from connecting to the presidium rings. There was debris everywhere. Pieces of buildings and other large chunks of metal. If you looked closer you could make out most of the tall buildings simply weren't. Most of everything was levelled to a certain height. Whether from the blast, or the vast amount of debris that was being sucked into the centre just shaved everything when Shepard activated the catalyst I don't really know.

There also multiple holes through the wards. Mile wide voids clear through from one side to the other. And I always thought that external shell was impenetrable. We could also make out the Citadel tower, and the Presidium ring. Though we were still miles away, you could notice something off about the tower. Like nothing had happened to it, damage wise. Even though the catalyst drew everything to its centre when it fired. Tossing Normandy sized chunks in every direction, which is likely where the holes in the wards came from. Most of the catalyst appeared to have been included in that explosion of energy. But you could notice some of it was still connected to the top of the tower, and even the arms keeping it place were intact, though very twisted and as damaged as the rest of the citadel. Whole thing was like one of those museum fun houses where symmetry does not exist.

Though there was nothing funny about what we saw. Other than a couple ironwork ships and the pulsing flash of industrial welders at the edges of the inner wards, and the holes. It all just seemed like a desolate ghost town.

"Man I hope that hot tub still works" Shepard suddenly said. It was so out of place from what we were seeing joker and I let out a surprised, short laugh. "Well, I dunno, you like your hydrotherapy filled with glass? Look, there's no windows anywhere." Joker said, adding his usual sarcasm. "See? I told you Shepard, an entire wall made of glass was a bad idea. Bet that TV of yours didn't fare any better either… damn, should have taken it with us" I said, shaking my head.

"Yea yea, we'll get a chance to see what we can grab from the apartment when we get there, if anything." Shepard said, ending the small talk.

"Normandy, this is Captain O'Connel of the Phoenix, lead salvage and repair ship for the Citadel. Also operating as TC for the entire area, We were only told of your expected arrival this morning."

Joker replied "roger that Phoenix, The commander just has a few places she wants to see, and we'll be out of your way." Joker didn't seem all that inclined to stick around either. The choices he had to make when Shepard activated the catalyst had to be haunting him. The whole cockpit had that uncomfortable feeling going on. And I'm sure me standing right behind him didn't help much. "Hey no rush, anything for the commander. There's a docking bay we've been using- E23 you could use, only about 4 miles from D24." the captain said. "roger that,.. thanks" with that, joker inverted the ship and dove towards the coordinates. It was on a building used for cargo and was crowded with other ships, likely crew for the repair of the station.

_Here we go_ I thought as I walked down the stairs and down on the floor of the building. The whole place looked like the Citadel commons after the Cerberus coup, but with less bullet holes, and more shattered windows, and cracked or bent walls.

And who to greet us but Commander Bailey himself. Didn't even know he was alive.

"Damn Shepard, you know how to bring down a house. Look at this place, Cerberus has nothing on you when it comes to bringing down the house. Buuut don't worry, all the paper work doesn't have it listed under your name as vandalism" bailey said, pulling a rhetorical joke. "BAILEY! I wasn't even sure you made it off the citadel!" Shepard explained, striding up to shake the mans hand.

"funny thing Shepard, I didn't."

END PART 3


	4. Bailey's

PART 4 – Bailey's

Bailey led us down through some halls and a couple flight of stairs, and into what used to be a restaurant. Not one I've ever been to, there was garbage everywhere, like what you would expect to see after one of those Expel 10 concerts. The windows that once lined the outside of the place were all smashed, there was still glass on the ground and every step you took was a loud crunch. Anything that wasn't held down was tossed all over the place, and on the far end of the wall there was a bar stool jutting out of a wall. Place was a damn mess, and I didn't expect anywhere on the station to be any different.

The four of us took a seat in one of the booths, cleared the glass off the table and benches and we all sat down.

"so you never left the citadel?" Shepard asked, soon as we sat down. "A lot of C-SEC were still on the citadel by the time the reapers had arrived. Thanks to all the tech you recovered we had a good 6 hours notice that they were going to pay us a visit. Damn Shepard you have no idea of the chaos of people running for their ships, any ships. Orderly evacuation wasn't what I would call it." Bailey said, leaning back against the booth and getting himself comfortable for the long explanation he knew he would have to give us.

"I… I don't recall any life signs aboard The Citadel except for Shepard when she activated the catalyst." EDI said. Who must have been scanning the station the whole time. "I didn't expect there to be anyone left when the reapers got here. There were still a couple ships getting airborne when every damn reaper must've been pouring through that relay. Anyone left didn't last long." Bailey said, shaking his head.

"So what did the rest of you do?" I asked, thinking back to all the assault protocols C-SEC had in place. Not that I can recall any Citadel abduction or Reaper invasion protocols. "hell, I was trying to tell everyone to find a weapon and dig in, but all the comms were cut when one of those things got close enough to jam us, may even also be why no one knew anyone was still on the station. I just took a couple other officers over to the illegal weapons storage facility, loaded up, and found a place to bunker down and wait out the storm."

"What about the council? I know they survived, but did they make it off the station?" Shepard asked.

"The council? Hah, those bastards were already on the Destiny ascension before the evac order was even given. Not that It meant much, it stuck around for another hour accepting as many civilian rapid transit shuttles trips as it could. Pretty sure all those people were still on that ship when It was fighting off the Reapers over Earth. Council likely took an escape pod before hitting the sol relay. Probably a good thing though. I heard that ship took quite the beating."

"It was cut in half" I said. None of us spoke for a few moments after that, thinking of all the people that must of been on board, crew and survivors.

"Still a little hard to believe anyone was still on board when the reapers brought it to Earth." Shepard said shaking her head. "They sent swarms of husks to take out anyone still on the station, and well despite the early warning, well you could start hearing the screams. It was all silent for a while after that, till the arms opened up with hell all around it." He paused for a moment then added "hey and I heard you were up by the catalyst when you set it off. Hard to Believe YOU survived."

"yea…" Shepard agreed shaking her head. "Don't remember how I ended up back on earth. Hard to really believe I made it… hard to believe any of us did."

Under the table I took her hand in mine and squeezed it, trying to reassure her that she was here, and everything was alright. We never really talk about any of the details of whatever happened, EDI's assessment of what Shepard went through was all I knew about it. Everything even now, over a year after it happened, all seem to lack details. And I felt neither of us really wanted to know. "Curiosity killed the cat" I heard Vega say once. Means it's sometimes better not to know.

We exchanged stories, Bailey's story of how he held out on the Citadel, and ours of what Earth was like. After that, he told us of His Ex-Wife. She wasn't among the survivors but his Daughter had made it to a secret bunker somewhere. He told us his what his daughter told him when he went to Earth to look for them once he was able to find a way off the station. His son saved her life when they were stopped by husks on the way to the hills where old WWII bunkers were. Some husks were about to grab them, so he just took off in the other direction screaming, giving his sister cover to make it to safety. That was the last Bailey's daughter had seen of her brother and we can only assume what happened.

After another moment of silence, I asked "so where are we headed to first Shepard?" that seemed to move everyone past the pain that the reapers caused. Bailey said "yea, the whole citadel is free to roam, not sure what you'll find. But I would recommend staying away from the tower, the salvage crew refuses to go near that place when they discovered there was no damage for a 800 foot radius of where the catalyst went off. If that doesn't ring of a place you should avoid I don't know what is."

"Right, we were planning on saving that place for last anyways, we'll check it out tomorrow, or the day after. See how long it takes to go from place to place." Shepard said, whether she would heed Bailey's warning I didn't know at the time. "your choice Shepard, it's not like I'm here to stop you… oh and one last thing, we've been here working on this place for a few months and we haven't seen a single Keeper on the entire station. Not one corpse, nothing. It's not my pay grade to figure it out, but it just adds to the feeling we should just let this place go. Resources spent getting this place functional could be going into places that matter, like earth…. Or Palaven" he added nodding at me. "all my techs say scrap the place, I've forwarded that recommendation to the council, who as usual don't listen and still deem it something worth bringing back to life along with the rest of the Galaxy. You think something like on the scale of what happened over earth would finally get their heads out of there ass and listen for once, but I guess that will just never change. … Anyways Shepard, I'll let you go. Good to see you again, and you to Garrus." We all got up from the booth, exchanged goodbyes, couple of handshakes then Shepard walked out of the diner and out onto the street followed by myself and EDI.

_Hey, having second thoughts about being here? Don't let Shepard go to the tower, you know there's bad news written all over it_

We started walking along just gazing at the surrounding buildings. It's just like what you'd expect to see down planet side. The only difference besides the obvious view change is now it feels It belongs to no-one, and no-one can recognize it. That follows into the feeling that neither of us really had any more business here. And that we all should just let this place go… let dead things lie. _And what of Shepard?/ Hmm, that's different./ Is it?/ She's alive, and I intend to keep it that way./ You know you sound like a hypo—/were done thinking here._

END PART 4


	5. Shore leave, was never like this

Silence.

We walked from place to place through the wards. We to take rapid transit between most of the different areas, as much of the damage had cut off access on foot. We visited all the places Shepard could remember going to, and even we even detoured to a couple places important to me. It reminded me of the days after Saren. When I left the Normandy to go back to C-Sec and get my career in order, just like I told Shepard I would do. Anywhere that debris hit was a mess, along with countless civilian, C-sec, and Geth corpses to clean up. The whole place was a mess and between cleaning up, restoring order and preventing all the looting and spiralling crime rate. Not to mention the whole time I felt more weighed down by red tape then ever, especially after working with a spectre it just compounded the feeling and I eventually gave up and left, you already know where I ended up.

But the places we visited now, all the damage reminded me of the damage from sovereign. The only things is you could see it everywhere. It _was_ everywhere which helped make the whole station seemed like a lost cause, and any attempts to restore and repair it, especially without keepers, seemed like a waste of time and resources.

There wasn't much to say, and we kept conversations to a minimum. We knew we were leaving Sunset strip till the end of the day. Shepard had mentioned hoping there was something left she could bring back to the Normandy from her old apartment. I did what I could to try and help her keep her hopes up. Though I knew the chances of that window still holding together were close to nothing, which means anything not bolted to the ground would have been sucked right out, right down to those damn plants I hated.

We were walking towards the next area when we happened across a shattered Pizza restaurant. A few yards beyond the range of one of the artificial gravity generators that provided gravity for most of the station, on account of the station had no spin anymore. I was staring through the shattered window of the restaurant watching the free floating pizza toppings and doughs. After a few moments before Shepard noticed I had lagged behind and traced my gaze over to the store.

"shit, did anyone pay the volus?" she said snapping my gaze away from restaurant.

"yes, before we left I informed the volus that the correct amount of credits had been transferred." EDI responded immediately. Obviously missing the amusement in the statement.

"sorry Shepard, but I believe that place was my second favorite restaurant, you did destroy the first" I said.

"shut up Garrus" she replied, unamused, but with a smile.

#

It was late in the day by the time we finished all the different wards locations, save for the Sunset Strip, which was our final location for the day.

Sunset strip was a few kilometers away, but Shepard still opted to walk through the lower streets to get there. Not that I minded, figured we still had time to kill. Not that we could guess what time of day it was by looking at the dun. It had been a while since we spent an entire day off-world. With no horizon to tell you when the day is over we had to rely on our suit clocks. There was a constant angle of the sun bouncing off the buildings and walls. The static sunlight wasn't something you would be used to on the citadel, which usually surrounded by the shining dust of the widow nebula. The light only added to the 'off' feeling the whole place gave you.

I remember reading somewhere that human females like holding hands on long strolls, and i was surprised how little we did that during our little holiday back on earth. I was, like usual, walking with EDI as Shepard took the lead. But with nothing going on and no one shooting at us I thought I could get some practice at this particular human thing. Turians usually save the hand holding for when we arn't walking around. Though I have seen many turian couples adopt the concept before, just not something I've ever done.

"uhhh... Need a... walking... buddy Shepard?" I asked nervously, something about EDI walking right next to me AI or not. 'third wheel' i believe that idiom book I was giving called people who made dates awkward. Not that this was a date... though it fits the usual mood of where Shepard always takes us. "you thinking of holding my hand Garrus?" she asked without looking back.

"Judging by what his readings are giving off, I believe that would be an accurate guess Shepard" EDI said. One of the downsides of having an AI as a third wheel I guess.

"uh, well..." couldn't really think of how to appropriately respond before Shepard said "your not going to accomplish anything from back there are you?"

"sorry Shepard, guess anywhere I walk will feel weird. And holding your hand, while were both in armour?" I shook my head feeling increasingly silly about even thinking about it.

Shepard flipped around without stopping, her longer hair twirling around her in a dance -a tad mesmerizing- and she gave me a big frown "guess your still too shy, hmm... and after all this time, thought you would be used to all the liaison-rules" she said, making me feel even more nervous.

My mandibles did a quick twitch of indecision before i quickly doubled my pace up to Shepard's side, and matched her pace. With a satisfied smile she spun around again and after a few moments of empty hands, she bumped me in the shoulder and I quickly looked over and remembered to take her hand in mine. I swear I could feel EDI smiling behind us, but i didn't turn around to look.

After a few moments we settled into a comfortable rhythm and my nervousness of doing something wrong subsided. You know, hard to keep up the bad ass turian attitude when your holding hands with your alien girlfriend. Not that there was anyone around to judge other than EDI.

We found our way into a back alley that lead through a back entrance into the Casino, there was a door we had to go through so the hand holding had to be put on hold. Shepard went in, followed myself and EDI. The kitchen inside was a mess, spoiled food, and pots and pans everywhere; Like a twister came through it. We had to step over all the stuff on the ground as we began to make our way into what would be the second floor of the Casino.

We stepped through the next door and into the casino. "woah, this is..." I said as I stepped out after Shepard who was just standing outside the door, looking at all the damage. EDI finished my sentence with "extreme" as she stepped out after me.

A little over half of the second floor was gone, collapsed onto the lower floor, all the windows were shattered just like everywhere else. The giant chandelier in the middle behind the dance floor was shredded to pieces, and there were pieces of glass from it all over the place and a half of the dance floor all the way over to the bar was gone.

"It appears as if some debris colliding with this structure may have caused such significant damage" EDI said, analyzing everything she saw.

"lot of good memories here... damn shame to see this place like this" I said, shaking my head.

"damn, this was my favorite hangout while we were around here...shit" Shepard said.

"I wish I could have taken you back here Shepard, after everything. And so we could enjoy the place, without the constant knowledge of everything of that was happening outside. Another dancing session would have been... nice, too. Damn look at this place" i said, memories washing up of the weeks of planning that 'first date' night. Something that started off as a suggestion on account of we never really ever had a first date. Along with the 'first date' I had the bright Idea of teaching Shepard how to dance. Properly, none of that arm waggling, and so I spent an hour looking up human dance customs, and eventually happened upon tango. And so behind the closed doors of the forward battery I spent hours teaching myself the basic steps of this completely new form of dance for me. Of course EDI began to question my actions and it became our little secret, and EDI would notify my excitedly of when Shepard was doing her rounds and was approaching the forward battery. I would quickly jolt back to my terminal and tab out of all the practice vids, and bring up something technical looking. And when she stepped in i would just go "hey Shepard" or "not right now" without looking at her. I thought she would of been able to catch onto me hiding something if I were to look her in the face.

Must have worked because I was damn excited that night. And she was caught completely off guard after I had ran out of 'first date' banter. And I aced it. All those hours boiled up to that one, perfect, moment. And Shepard was damn good, guess she dances better with a partner.

"Garrus" Shepard said, grabbing my attention out of the flashback. I snapped my view right to her and quickly replied "yes, Shepard?"

"I'm done here, lets make our way to the apartment" she said. Clearly ready to put this place behind her.

"I'm right behind you" i said, I've already had enough looking at a waste of such a place, it's like the sushi place without the comedy of Shepard breaking it. _Well, she's kind of responsible for this too/ theres nothing funny about it this time though/ true._

Outside was no better, the bridge connecting the whole strip was mostly gone, and there were large gashes of whatever came through here in the walls of the surrounding buildings. _This whole place was just one big wind tunnel for whatever came through here. Must be why here is more damaged then other area's._ "Garrus, how's the apartment look from here?" Shepard asked, gesturing to my new helmet.

I quickly took it in my hands and put it on. With a quick clamp of the seals the HUD came online and i gazed over to Shepard's apartment. "scan" i whispered to the VI system. And after a few quick beeps and blurs it gave me a 3d outline of the Shepard's apartment. I could make out most of the stuff, like Shepard's couch hanging out of where the window used to be, and the big TV was smashed. From the Holographic data the place was a mess, even worse than after that party.

"well?" Shepard asked. "could we stay the night up there? I'm exhausted."

"well... I told you that giant window was a bad Idea. Upstairs room would be a bad choice, looks like that tub washed into the rooms and soaked everything. Best bet is the room on the first floor... looks alright... almost seems like someone went in to clean it up"

"huh, probably one of of repair crew. Red carpet equivalent?" Shepard said "guess so" I replied, taking off my helmet and placing it back onto it's grip.

We had to make our way through a couple flights of service stairs down to a bridge further down, then make our way across and over to the elevator and up the ladder since the elevator itself was at the bottom of the shaft. When we got to the top, we had to jump backwards onto the floor since it was opposite the latter, luckily, the elevator door was gone, making this much easier to do.

The door to the apartment was leaning against the wall in front of the entrance; so we just simply walked in. First thing I noticed was those damn plants were still around. _Of course. _

The bar was still mostly intact, and with a quick rummage through the cupboards under the table I found an intact bottle of Turian Horosk, along with some rum for Shepard. Don't_ drink that whole thing, you want to be able to get up in the morning/ hey remember Theanor? Drank two bottles of that stuff? Lost the use of his legs? Yeah, don't do that_

"hey Shepard, look what's still around" I said, waving both bottles from across the room, Shepard popped her head out of the kitchen with what appeared to be a can of beans with the top sheered off with an omni-blade. Shepard, nimbly munching away gave me a wide eyes look when she saw what I was holding. She then gestured over to the room I mentioned. "hah, oh, huh... don't you want to look around first?" I said, thinking that moving straight to that portion of the night was kind of sudden.

Without stopping Shepard shoved another spoonful into her mouth and shook her head with a gobbled "nuh-uh" sound. She then turned around and proceeded into the room first floor bedroom. I grabbed two cups, and scurried right after Shepard. I passed EDI who gave me a sideways look, I thought about suggesting she do something, but than I was interrupted with a huge clang of Shepard throwing a piece of her armour on the ground. I looked from the room, to EDI, and back to the room, then back to EDI. EDI then said "go ahead, I will power down this unit for your privacy when I am done exploring the damage... besides joker has enough videos of you two from on board the Normandy" with a free finger I pointed an accusing finger at her to which she responded "that was a joke". I gave her a look then turned and proceeded into the room. The room had indeed been cleaned up a little. At least, the bed was made and there wasn't anything lying on the floor. There were a few dents in the walls, but compared to the rest of the citadel. This room appeared almost untouched.

We spent the rest of the night on the bed next to our respective drinks and each other. And together we tried to push away the thoughts of everything around us, and as we fell into the rhythm of the night we did our best to have another, perfect, moment.

End Part 5


	6. Presidium Pains, and bacon

I woke up to EDI standing right over me, when she saw my stir she took a step back and said "good morning Garrus, I took the liberty to cook you and the Commander breakfast, though it is almost noon earth time." ignoring EDI's liberal sense of privacy, I shook my head to get the blood flowing again and said "err, noon? Damn were not gonna be even close to finishing this by tonight."

I haven't slept in this late in a long time and was kicking myself a little. I turned to look at Shepard, who through the night somehow managed to build herself a cocoon out of every pillow and blanket on the bed. With only her head popping out with a scrutinizing expression, the same face she gives me whenever she watches me pick food out of my teeth in the washroom. One of my nightly routines she never seems to tire of watching. My side of the bed was bare, but I didn't really mind, I was used to sleeping in my armour in the forward battery so... well, you know. Can't really complain.

"would you like me to wake her?" EDI asked patiently waiting at the corner of the bed with an eager look on her, as if she was looking forward to serving us this meal she had prepped up.

"no, I can do that... didn't know you cooked" I said as I began get into my armour for the day. I could smell the freshly cooked meal from over in the kitchen, but above all was the overpowering sent of those human jerky strips... bacon? Yea the greasy meat strips that whenever that was being cooked you could smell it all over the ship. That thought gave me an idea so I said "if you want, bring a plate of that... bacon stuff over, that usually wakes her right up." EDI nodded and bounced on the balls of her feet with excitement as she nodded, said "right away" and scurried off into the kitchen.

Bacon, never understood how there wasn't one single non-dextro crew member on the Normandy who didn't like the stuff, It seemed like a staple ingredient in most morning meals, and when the ship ran out that one time, you could feel the drop in morale. It was... interesting the first time I discovered everyone's love of the stuff. Even more so when I figured out how the stuff could probably wake Shepard up from a coma. _Not that I'm interested in testing that theory. _I had to stop my self from laughing when I brought up Shepard a meal that one time on the Normandy and with out even opening her eyes she bolted upright and said "BACON! Sweet!". It's... well, not sure of a word.

_Great, now im hungry. _My stomach protested to my train of thought.

I finished placing on my armour and stood up and watched as EDI entered the room with a plate full of the stuff, still steaming, and after a few moments Shepard stretched her limbs wide and woke up with a voracious look in her eyes. "ah yea!" she said and happily took a bunch and stuffed them in her mouth before proceeding to get out of bed. With her mouth still full and in classic Shepard fashion she said "mhm, err, I... Didn't know you knew how...mmm.. to...'chomp'... cook EDI".

Shepard walked over to her closet, grabbing some more off the plate EDI was holding on the way, and started to rifle through the various colours of house coats. She picked a silvery blue one and flung it around herself. Satisfied, she led us to the Kitchen and over to the dining table – which was snapped in half, along with a large hole in the wall, and was being held up by some makeshift supports out of what appeared to be some of the chairs- and we all sat down and ate. EDI already had a plate ready for me and made a plate for herself with a mix of dextro and levo food. _Not sure what her body does with the food though... didn't question it at the time._ We spent the next few minutes 'chowing down' -that's_ a new one- _and complimenting EDI on the food.

#

we finished up our morning and after some quick planning, we made our way back to one of the salvage/repair outposts a few kilometres away from Shepard's apartment –overcoming a couple small obstacles like half the road/building missing, you know, nothing major- and from the outpost we took a shuttle over to the presidium. There was no oxygen restored to this part of the station according to the techs driving the shuttle so it was helmets on for Shepard and I. The shuttle dove through a large hole in the false sky the circled the entire presidium. _Just another shattered luxury. _On the inside there was no gravity either. This was made apparent by the abundance of floating flora, leaves, flowers, water from the artificial lakes, and even pieces that hadn't managed to lodge themselves into the wall.

"yea, check this out commander, I Have NO ******* clue how were supposed to clean that up." our pilot noted as he turned the shuttle sideways to show us the bottom of the presidium floor through the hatch. Like a reaper sized –_you really using that as a reference? Shame- _dart board for everything that got tossed into the place. Out the right hatch; broken balconies, shattered presidium bridges similar to where the Huerta memorial hospital was located, and down at the bottom were room sized pieces of wall, building, ext. Stuck in through the twisted bottom like knives. The walls were torn everywhere and made the damage in the wards seem like nothing more than post-riot damage. The presidium was a total mess.

Out the left hatch; a bullet hole scene, but scaled up to fit all the pieces that forced themselves through the outer walls of the presidium. Light from the sun lit up half the presidium at an awkward angle, but left the other half in relative darkness.

"I, don't think there will be much left to look at on this trip Shepard" I said, unconvinced there would be anything left. She shrugged slowly, still staring out with the rest of us out into the carnage of the place. It kind reminded me –and I'm sure Shepard as well- as how it looked when sovereign attacked all those years ago, and some of the pieces of him that shattered their way into the presidium smashing anything on their way. But this was a whole new level. Sovereign was just localized area's, this was the entire presidium.

"what's left of the Normandy's old docking bay?" Shepard asked. Keeping her gaze out the hatch as the shuttle continued to fly along the inside of the presidium. "gone, the whole place including the level below it. Took a hit from something a bit larger than the debris that made those holes in the top."

#

"so... I guess it's back to the fight."

...

"that doesn't sound like my girl, you'll find a way to win, and when this is over, I'll be waiting for you"

...

"best times of my life were on that ship, been a damn good ride"

...

#

"damn" I said, shaking myself out of that memory. I resisted moving my hand up to my helmet to compose myself. And quickly managed without it. Who knew you could place so many memories in somewhere as everyday as a docking bay. Was surprised at how those memories hurt more than the silver strip memories. The silver strip just left you feeling empty. But hearing that the Normandy's dock was dust hit me harder than I was prepared for.

We flew by the human embassy, which was just a cracked door, the entire room was gone, torn away by flying debris. That's_ one spot done, lets get this over with._ Next we went to the presidium commons, passing the hospital on the way which was as you'd expect, wasn't there anymore. The commons were in pretty rough shape, but compared to everything else in the presidium we've seen so far, it wasn't so bad. At least there was a spot to land.

We stepped down into that advertisement tunnel which gave way to a nice view of the carnage in the distance along with all the stuff floating in the air. While walking we had to, more that once push a plate sized piece of debris out of our way and watch it float away. You could hear all the glass and debris protest your disturbance as they pinged off your helmet and armour sending them careening off elsewhere. There were the expected large chunks of something on the lower part of the commons, so we were more or less limited to the bridge, the rooms on the inside were blocked by broken doors, and some wall panels that came loose. I never spent a lot of time around here so nothing I saw here was particularity important to me. And whether Shepard had any particular fond memories of this place I couldn't tell through my visor. After a half hour of walking around, we headed back to the waiting shuttle, before we stepped on I looked up at the ceiling, imagining the elevator doors to the docking bay opening to nothing but dust and empty space. I thought I could almost make out a specific dent in the part of the wall pushing inwards. But If I did it could easily be lost to all the other torn and twisted things in here.

As we looped around the area to where the purgatory balcony was we were stopped by what looked like whats left of the admin room of the hospital, which had pierced it's way through the balcony and front door of the bar. There was no way we were getting in there. I caught Shepard subtly shifting her shoulders and I could imagine the half surprised look that usually follows it. "hmm, well, I never did really like that place... reminded me too much of Omega" I said wryly. Shepard replied with a jab of her elbow in my side and I could almost see the smile behind her helmet.

We continued flying around and after a couple minutes I started to make out the presidium area directly above C-sec HQ. I asked if Shepard wanted to go and explore there and before she could ask "do you?" the tech driving the shuttle interrupted telling us that entire place was collapsed. C-sec HQ was gone.

"Garrus used to work for C-Sec" Shepard said. Not sure if she was trying to defend me, or if that info was necessary, either way I felt my breath taken away. "oh...I'm sorry" our pilot responded remorsefully.

Thoughts of the countless times that I have been through that place started to wash in and I was temped to just sit down and take a minute; a fleeting though quickly done away by my trained mind. Shepard must have noticed my shift in balance because I soon found her hand on my shoulder and she was staring at me through her helmet. No eye contact could of been made but you knew you were looking right at each other. _It's all gone, nothing you can do, move on, your with Shepard now_.

#

After a couple of hours we finished visiting all the places around the presidium. And as the shuttle flew through a hole out of the presidium we had a clear view of the citadel tower.

You could even see that a certain distance from the top, where the crucible used to be, it looked almost untouched. All the atmospheric plates, and even the glass was still intact for a couple hundred feet. And below it, as if from an entirely different section, was the lower half of the tower, wires and cords floating out of holes, bent and torn pieces of wall, shattered windows everywhere. The lower tower matched the destruction of everywhere else on the Citadel, the only thing out of place was the top half.

"would you look at that, something must of protected where you were Shepard." I said, staring at the glimmer of the pristine outer surface of the top of the tower, as if it were some kind of alien...or giant warning sign. Well, you know, an alien your not used to being around. Hmm, bad example, warning sign is better. Anyways, the whole thing really made my plates itch, it shouldn't have been like that.

"yea,... maybe. Doesn't explain how I ended up on Earth though." Shepard replied.

"no, it doesn't" _nor does it explain anything else you've pulled of before Shepard._

I wanted to ask if Shepard really intended on going up there, even with all the red flags, and with all the salvage/repair techs scared of going near it. I wanted to tell her to just forget about it. That place where she finally destroyed the reapers wasn't important to me, I didn't need to know the details, nor did really want to know. She was with me now, the reapers were gone, we were both alive. That was good enough for me.

As if reading my mind Shepard looked at me, took her helmet off –the shuttle doors were closed by now- and looked at me sideways, as if trying to gauge my expression through my helmet. I returned the sideways look and finally she said "we'll head up there, get it over with, then head out and find your sister, she's arriving tomorrow right?"

I didn't want to question her, if she wanted to go, I was right behind her. I knew we would be able to take care of ourselves if it turned out the place was cursed or something. But knowing that doesn't do much to stem that worry. I nodded before turning to look out at the tower one more time.

_there, tomorrow is planned, get it over with, see Solana. Simple._

_When is it ever simple?_

End Part 6


	7. To Top It Off

The minute we set down onto the side of the tower where the damage ended; at the edge between the destruction and the untouched, I was ready to leave. Not that I was afraid or anything, just... a gut feeling, and I was worried because I knew the as always Shepard was likely heading into something that would put _her_ life at risk. And I don't like that, while it was necessary during the war and even though i know she could take care of herself damn well better than anyone I could think of, I still didn't like it.

Guess it comes down to just how close I came to almost losing her. Destroying the reapers almost cost my Shepard her life, and dammed if I didn't feel so helpless. And with each step towards the top sent another pained thought filled with memories of her during those long days of recovery, and the days before that when I had no Idea as to whether or not she was even alive. Stuck on that dammed jungle for days, while she was out there... or not.

_Just watch her six, at least nothing will be shooting at her this time. _

I swallowed my thoughts and concentrated on my surroundings, scanning all the possible vantage points as if I expected a ravager, or a banshee to pop out of no-where and start taking shots at us. He'll I would be fine with a geth sniper. If they were still even our enemies, or around. Geth. That was an oddly distracting thought. My work with EDI and it's success and certain revelations would get out eventually. And while I don't expect the council, or the Quarian fleet, er, the Quarians to jump to bringing any geth back online, I'm sure there are lots of people out there who feel they owe it to the geth to bring them back like how we brought back EDI.

Geth, hell. I even remember this route. This is where we were all those years ago when sovereign attacked. Grav boots keeping us locked to the ground as we pushed our way to the council chambers.

"god... I remember those dammed rocket launchers that used to be here, back with sovereign, huh garrus?" Shepard said aloud, again almost reading my thoughts.

"uhh, yea. Nothing like trying to snipe geth with rockets shooting at your face." I replied as smoothly as I could, hiding the slight turmoil of being here.

"yea garrus, wouldn't want anything to come to that face of yours, hard enough to look at" she replied, obvious smirk behind the tone of her voice.

I grinned behind my helmet, quickly trying to think of a clever comeback. Though EDI beat me to it.

"you know Shepard, If I had the option to subject this unit to a standard rocket, or a reaper laser. I would choose the rocket. I believe Garrus is Superior in his choice."

"I.. don't think it was actively a choice EDI, but I support your conclusion" I said, laughing internally

"hey! Whose side are you on!" Shepard exclaimed, likely dismayed at 'the tables turning'.

"I do not understand what you mean" EDI replied with that smile that tells you she's lying.

#

"it should just be over the edge here" Shepard claimed, as we neared the edge of the side of the tower.

Even without gravity, or a sense of down, you still get that feeling of vertigo as you look down, over the top of the presidium. From here you could make out what looked like three bridges all heading towards a centre point, which expanded out towards the rim of something I didn't recognize. It was as if someone took the top of the presidium, and lifted it into a new position, and it just floated there, and from it extended the bridges all formerly a solid part of the top of the presidium.

If you asked me, it almost seemed like The Citadel was ready to connect to the crucible, and had moved the pieces into place. We were still a ways up, or... well, it would be a few hundred feet of Zero-G freefall to reach it. And there was no straight path to reach where we wanted to go, It was either jump, or find a way in through the citadel.

"there it is" Shepard said with a long exasperated exhale. Like when you return to a place with bad spirits.

"guess were not just gonna jump?" I said, failing to brighten things up.

"no, look, we'll head through there" Shepard said, pointing down farther to the right, where there was what looked like an entrance hatch into some part of the citadel I've never been. "keeper tunnels huh?hmm, right behind you"

as we made our way over the edge and over to the hatch, neither of us could stop glancing over to the top where the bridges where. Like a monument on some important mountain, like an amusement ride from the parking lot –though this wasn't exactly promising to be fun- the bridges gleamed as Earths sun cast awkward angles on it. There was nothing i could recognize that would belong to the crucible. And Shepard was pointing out the same thing. "can't make it out from here if there's anything left, we'll have to wait until we get over there" she said as we approached the hatch and could no longer see the top of the structure.

"give me a minute, I'll get this open" I said and began to make my way to the hatch, opening my omni-tool, when suddenly the door bursted with blue energy and was ripped from is frame and tossed out into space. "after you" Shepard said quietly, biotic energy subsiding from her body. I ignored the thought of commenting on the overkill of the door. And we made our way into a dark passageway barely tall enough for me to stand in. At the end was a crooked plate that looked like the wall to another hall. There was some light emanating from the other side and with one large kick it came smashing down to reveal that absolute horror that awaited us.

END PART 7


	8. The Admiral

Heavy dust poured out into the vacuum through the new hole in the wall, blocking the interior from view for a few seconds. As it settled we stepped inside and moved down a narrow passageway, almost too small to heft my armour through. A little ways into the passageway a bulkhead clamped down behind us, and the subtle hiss of pressurization took up the silence. Once it ended and there was sufficient air that our suit allowed the non-toxic air to flow through our filters and we were immediately assaulted by the smell of rotting corpses. "what happened here?" I asked, with no response from either Shepard or EDI who were continuing down the hall ahead of me.

Our passageway ended at a wall panel that seemed like it could easily be shoved out of the way. Before removing it Shepard looked back, her eyes staring right through her helmet "that smell is coming through this wall,... ready?" -_you never get used to that smell-_

"right behind you Shepard" i nodded. EDI nodded as well "Ready" and with a shove with her shoulder Shepard tore the loose panel out of the wall and it came smashing onto the floor with Shepard on top of it.

A black almost oozing dust came swirling out from under the panel which was resting at an angle as if something was keeping it from resting flat on the floor. EDI and I pressed into the room and as I reached out a hand to Shepard I looked to the side and down this new hall and it made me pause for a second.

If there was any space in my helmet my mandibles would have dropped to the floor. The halls were lined with corpses, the floors had a carpet of congealed blood that squished with every step you would take, like stepping on a plaviin plant.

... like stepping onto 'jell-o' apparently is the best equivalent.

And there were pieces everywhere, an arm here, a torso, half of a head. And it somehow seemed like they had all melted into each other a little, like they were all now just a solid mass of a single corpse, with many souls.

Something grabbing onto my arm jolted my attention away from the horror and I quickly looked to see that it was Shepard excepting my still extended hand. With a heave I pulled her onto her feet and she began wiping off a film of bile off her armour. "glad i wore my helmet" she said wryly.

She took a minute to look around while EDI was hugging her shoulders as if to reduce the amount of filth getting onto her platform, her expression was further evidence to this.

"I... I remember this room" Shepard said finally. At one end about 30 feet away was a dead end. A solid wall with some kind of claw in front of it. At the other end appeared to be a large bulkhead door of sorts, similar to the one that clamped down as we entered into these tunnels. "over there... i remember waking up over there,... Anderson... he was contacting me...". My visor wasn't picking anything up, that area was a dead end. Then I turned and asked "woke up, Shepard?"

"I... I'm not sure, it felt like when i first woke up when Cerberus rebuilt me, but... fast like I was forced awake, and... not allowed to. I..." my visor was telling me her heart was racing as she recalled this moment, as if realizing something, but not wanting to believe it.

"to regain consciousness in the same way as when Cerberus rebuilt you is to assume that for a moment, here you were..." EDI paused as if unable to finish her sentence, either out of awe or respect.

The thought that Shepard could have died here made me tense, rigid. And the thought that something about the implants and cybernetics she had -which were likely reaper tech to even be able to bring her back to life in the first place – forced her alive again made me feel sick. _I can't lose you Shepard, and finding out you've been dying on me hurts more than my injuries from omega._

That thought passed through my mind but I didn't voice it. I kept a cool level headed attitude on the outside, and pushed those thoughts and emotions to the back of my mind.

"This is worse than the collector base, the bodies, they've been... sitting a while." I said, moving the topic away from Shepard 'waking up'.

"huh, yea, but at least nothing is trying to kill us" Shepard replied.

"why do I feel were going to regret you saying that later?"

"you worry to much"

we pushed our way through the muck over to the bulkhead door, as we neared it, it opened right up for us revealed another long hallway. This place was different, almost no corpses here. And there to the sides were countless panels, like the capacitors back on the shadow broker ship, but none of them were moving, and these were more spread apart.

"these used to be working" Shepard told us, "it was... brighter here, and those panels were shooting lightning across this entire place... come on, just up ahead." she carried on ahead, moving faster trying to expedite her exodus out of here.

a short climb up a ramp we moved forward. Then as we entered the next room, we all stopped.

In the dimly lit room, a ray of light pierced its way through a thick dust as it made it's way across from one side to the other. As it did it lit up an exhausted figure, slumped up against a raised platform. It was wearing a dusty alliance uniform and an alliance hat threatened to fall off it's head as it faced down with slumped shoulders. After a moment EDI made her way past it to a still functioning control panel and concentrated on that, while Shepard slowly stepped towards the tired figure, I followed her every step.

She knelt down next to it and took off her helmet. I did the same as she stood motionless before him. After a long couple moments, she decided to remove his hat, as she did it tore off the top – half decomposed skin on his skull. Shepard quickly threw the hat away and hesitated to fix the top of his head. He was clearly really fragile and any further interaction with him would likely tear him to pieces.

His eyes were closed and his skin drooped a little from his face, but not enough to take away the expression from his face. The bags under his eyes were still apparent and with the sag of his shoulders you could still sense the pure exhaustion emanating from him. You could almost see him standing again with all the weight on his shoulders, and how it all finally brought him down. You even felt that in rest he still felt the exhaustion of life and war, and it followed him through death. It was a tired figure and if you looked at it too long you became exhausted and you could feel it's pain, as if it was begging to borrow your energy for itself to try and get out of it's own pit of fatigue and sorrow. You can see that expression on a lot of leaders these days.

Some of the skin on his fingers had already peeled off exposing bone, it's likely that his uniform and the low gravity was keeping him from falling to pieces, though there was enough oxygen in the room to degrade him significantly.

"Anderson..." Shepard let out in a low cry. She then sat right next to him and assumed a similar tired pose, as if recalling something from memory, like it was rehearsed. She placed her arm on her stomach as if covering an invisible wound. It's was like she regretted being allowed to move on while his fate placed him here in this position, like his cry of unfairness shouted her to the ground and demanded she take notice at his fate. As if it should of been her, as if she shouldn't even be here right now. And that it's all wrong.

Then after a moment, she seemed to remember I was near, and turned to look at me.

"... he... died, right next to me, I... shot him,... but I didn't want to- the illusive man..." then she seemed to almost wake up a little and started looking around the area. "the illusive man"

"He was here?" I asked failing to see what he had to do with all this. That's when I figured he must of been somehow responsible for what happened to Anderson. "Shepard?" I asked.

"His body is gone, it was right here!" she said standing up and pointing to an empty spot on the ground.

"he... he... I," she started. "he implanted himself with reaper tech, with... he was like Saren, and he somehow forced me to shoot Anderson, but where is he?"

without turning away from her terminal EDI offered "if that is the case it is likely that the dust in this room is the Illusive man, after death all reaper corpses activate nanobots which disintegrate them entirely to remove evidence for future cycles, if the Illusive man was a reaper, it is likely that he followed the same fate".

Shepard and I stood with terrified looks on our face at EDI, who had her back to us.

"illusive dust..'cough'... didn't need to know that EDI" I said, promptly placing my helmet back on.

"that... makes sense I guess, " -cough- "thanks EDI" Shepard said. "of course" EDI replied.

I took a moment to stare out past the platform. You could see a portion of mars in the lower corner, and the sun in near the top left corner. With the wards still extended you couldn't really see them from this place without looking over the edge. After a moment Shepard joined me and also gazed at the view.

"I don't remember how I got to those bridges, but they should be right above us." Shepard said, pushing her thoughts about Anderson past her. Ready to move on.

"Like this" EDI said with a press of a button she swiftly turned and joined us where we were standing, then the floor lifted out of the ground and started levitating upwards. The sudden movement startled me and I instinctively reached a hand back to my gun, which told my suit's computer to release the lock on the handle. I debated whether or not to just follow through and grab it, but quickly decided against that, and the gun compacted itself again.

Right before the lift reached the top my visor pinged me that there was movement down the hall we came through. I turned around to try and get a visual but the lift went through the next floor before I could catch anything. Then when we reached the top my HUD shut off, as if passing through an EMP field.

I tried restarting it through my omni-tool with no luck. The lift stopped and Shepard asked "everything alright Garrus?" noticing my increased movement. "helmet pinged me before we reached the top that something was moving in the corridor we came through, and now my whole damn helmet and visor are off"

"that is... ominous" EDI said cautiously. "well it's a good thing we brought our guns." Shepard replied.

We arrived at the bridge and Shepard explained what the AI child told her here, she pointed to the three bridges and re-called the three choices that EDI mentioned when she was reactivated. This area was pristine to a fault; almost no damage to the point it made you feel... wrong.

To the left, a pillar with what looked like two handles. _Control._

In the middle, a portion of the crucible that was protected by whatever kept this place safe still hanging over like a domed roof, no longer emanating the large beam that extended all the way to earth. _Synthesis_.

And to the right, a giant burned out exploded tube. That had various melted parts keeping it together, it was the only damaged piece in the entire area. _Destroy_.

"I take it the only broken piece is your doing?" I said, teasing.

"yea, I walked up and shot that, and it exploded. Next thing I remember is waking up in the Normandy, and screaming in pain."

"yea. I remember" I said quietly. Not wanting to recall those days again.

We walked over to the tube to look around. Nothing about it suggested any means for how Shepard ended up back on earth, but it does explain how she may have gotten all the burns she had. We were all too busy looking forwards that none of us noticed it appear right behind us. Only when EDI turned around and with a startled voice "behind us." did we turn around.

Before us stood a keeper.

It was standing still at the end of the bridge we were on. Looking at us, and twisting its head from side to side like a bug.

"so much for no keepers" I said, "whats it doing?" Shepard followed. My instincts told me something was off about this. -_Same damn feeling ive had for a while_- The salvage crew has been here for months and they haven't seen a single keeper. And here is one staring at us in a place like this. Not a coincidence. After a moment it scattered away, going over the side of the bridge.. "huh, little bugger just jumped, guess all this low gravity helps"

When we moved to the edge to try and get a look at where it had gone we all in unison pulled out our respective weapons. "oh shit".

Climbing up the sides were thousands nigh countless keepers, all heading for the top of the bridge and us. "were about to get hit!" I yelled, prepping my assault rifle. "Quick head to the middle over there, its farthest from the edge. Don t let them get near you." EDI and I acknowledged and as we started to make our way to our strategic position the first keepers started pouring over the side of the bridge.

Like some great horde they kept pouring through, as we let loose on the opening ranks, they fell quickly. A concussive shot sent a group of them flying off the edge as we ran for the middle.

"EDI, we need a way back down" Shepard yelled over the gunfire. After incinerating a group of keepers EDI yelled back "I can't access any systems from here, there IS no way off!"

"Find a way!". As the first wave of keepers fell some kind of armoured variation of them started pouring over the side, these ones had guns and enough armour on them to take more than a few hits. Despite carrying weapons none of them were firing. Instead it seemed they just planned on swarming us, at any cost.

Soon, they were approaching faster than we could kill them, Shepard tore a whole flank off with her biotics and you could still hear the 'woosh' as her shock waves were sent out. Hundreds of them went down, but for every one we killed, three more replaced it. Once they got within 10 feet of us I hefted my assault rifle in my right arm, bracing it against my right side, and kept firing. Then with a double tab of my fist to the rear of my armour my computers beeped twice and released the locks on my rifle. I grabbed that and swung it around and planted it on my other side and started firing both weapons from the hip. Aim wasn't even necessary at this point as there were so many keepers rushing us. The three of us kept our backs to each other in a three man circle. EDI had pulled out her other gun and was firing both at the same time as well. We all kept firing until we ran out of clips and a quick glance at Shepard's expression told me she had exhausted her biotic abilities. And even then there were still keepers charging for us. Once I used my last thermal clip I simultaneously placed both guns on my back, and as they locked into place I swung out my omni-blade and swung at the first keeper, severing it's head. Like a flash of light a second keeper jumped onto my back, and another onto my other arm. Soon there were several of them tearing me down to the ground. I threw them off and turned to see a group of other keepers attempting to carry away Shepard. I tried to wade my way through the increasing mass of keepers to her but was stopped by the keepers trying to keep me in one spot.

"EDI! Get to Shepard!" I yelled. EDI was only a few paces away by now and simply nodded at me then gracefully leaped over the keepers, using one as a ramp and closed the distance to Shepard who was getting farther away by the second. I looked up and The Normandy was closing in, some of the crew hanging over the ramp of the cargo bay shooting down into the fray.

'WHATS HAPPENING?!" came a voice through the radio "they swarmed us, they're trying to get shepard!" I screamed back through the radio. "EDI!" came joker.

"dammit! I need a path!" I yelled, frantic, double tap to the back, I took out both guns again brought them together in front of me and sent dual concussive shots straight ahead of me, tearing through the keepers and providing a clear path straight to EDI and Shepard. I ran towards them, but before I could get close enough the keepers threw themselves over the side with EDI holding on to Shepard's arm, both of them still struggling to get free.

After they disappeared over the side all the remaining keepers broke off and retreated back over the side, abandoning their fallen. "I'm going after them!" I yelled up to the Normandy and without waiting for a response I went to the edge and jumped. I fell about 20 feet to another platform and quickly stood up again, the low gravity lessening impact, and I looked over to the other platform where we were before.

I took a single breath and jumped for it. I fell another 35 feet and was only just able to grab onto the ledge of the platform. I scrambled up onto it and looked down the hall to see the keepers still moving to the end with Shepard and EDI. "IM RIGHT BEHIND YOU SHEPARD!" I screamed as I took off after them.

Down the hall through the dip with the opening, back through the room with the corpses, down a hatch through a narrow space and into another room. A keeper jumped me as I rounded the corner and in a single motion I snapped it's neck and tossed it aside without even stopping. Through that room into another hall and into a room with another of those claws in the middle. The room was empty and I tried turning on my visor and helmet again. With a hum the HUD turned back on and indicated no movement anywhere near me. Not behind the walls or anything.

Shepard and EDI were gone.

End Part 8


	9. Till We Part

I sat there in Dr. Chakwas's chair staring a bruised and battered body. It was barely moving, unconscious. She had bandages covering most of her scars, and there was red seeping through most of her wounds. Fresh incisions over most of her body where Chakwas had removed most of her implants. Each breath was a moment in it's own and my breath matched hers. I stared intently for hours and time faded away from the ebb and flow of her subtle breathing. Some faceless crew came by a few times to offer me food or rest, all of which I refused without looking away most of the time. Chakwas had removed most of the implants all of which no longer functioned after the blast. It was tech and all tech was effected. I had no clue as to how much she relied on it to stay alive, shuddering to think how she was brought back to life, with unknown Cerberus tech.

_Don't leave me... I don't want to be alone_

days passed, but the lights in the med-bay always remained on. Only the peripheral traffic flow of the mess outside gave me any indication of time. My own injuries were not even healed. And the longer i held in one place the more I could feel the tension in them, that feeling that begs you to stretch and move around. There was even a moment in which the power in the ship turned off again, shutting off all monitors and lights. Fallback from the blast, and without EDI it took several minutes to get power restored. Even with near blind panic of the possibility of the blackout affecting Shepard, and no indication of life signs from the monitors, I didn't move, just kept staring, listening. Listening to her breath in the darkness, like listening for a subtle breeze on a summer night that told you a storm was just a few days away. Only it held onto everything you hold dear, and you beg it to keep going, and praying over your lack of control.

#

"what kind of 'tech' did you use exactly?" I asked.

"why? Concerned about my work? I can assure you-" she tried to reply.

"Dammit, DONT..." 'sigh' "don't avoid the question, she means a lot to me and you know that. And we both know what happened to her and how... what did it take?"

"Cerberus had multiple resources focused on her recovery, how far she adapts to her implants is up to her."

I clenched my fist, annoyed at the evasive responses.

"adapts to what exactly?" I asked, clearly implying my need for an answer to my prior question.

"Garrus, I understand your concerned, but I assure you she's fine, and as long as she doesn't let herself get killed again I don't see how anything could go wrong." there was a pause before she continued. "what we used isn't important, and telling you wont accomplish anything. It's better you just lay off and enjoy things how they are now."

"I would feel better if I knew" I said coldly. About ready to walk out of the room.

"no Garrus... you wouldn't" she turned her gaze away back to her console indicating her involvement in the conversation was over. So I turned and walked out the door, turned left and walked back to the forward battery.

#

"Garrus..." ... "Garrus..." "VAKARIAN" a familiar voice threw me out of my near inescapable fatigue. I leaned up in it right away, threw my eyes open and looked forward. Her brown-green eyes stared right back at me, piercing through my shell of sorrow and pain and releasing more feelings than I can describe in a short amount of time. "glad your finally up" she said with a strained smile, clearly still in pain.

"I uh, aheh... mmm, I... should be saying that to you... Shepard" I hung onto that word as if relishing in it's significance and the fact she was awake, and that everything was going to be ok.

"mm, yea that's true." she said with a pained nod. "but than again, you were out cold... how long were you here?"

I looked at her, than around the room. I really didn't have a good idea. "a while, lost track of time." I said apologetically.

"almost two weeks." Chakwas exclaimed bursting into the room through the doors. Her omni-tool must of pinged her when Shepard woke up.

"and he barely ate a thing, or slept the whole time! Tsk tsk" Chakwas said shaking her head, "understandable, but I would much rather not have both of you in critical condition. So, I picked this up before I came over."

she handed both of us plates of food, but I wouldn't start eating until Shepard did. It was silent in the room, and after a moment, Chakwas declared "well, you obviously don't need me at the moment, Garrus, Shepard, if you need something I'm just around the corner. Glad to have you back commander." and with that she left the room likely returning to where she was before.

"you should eat" I said, trying not to screw up, on what I can't recall, nor did I even think I knew. Without looking away I placed my plate onto the bed behind us. I'll eat it later.

"you know. I don't think I've ever seen a turian tear up before." she said, staring right at me with her head cocked to one side.

"I huh? oh." I cleared the tears away, and looked away from Shepard for the first time in days.

"Turians... don't cry... then again, I'm a _really_ bad turian." There was a long pause and I kept my head down for a few moments. When I raised it again I gently bumped into Shepard who had placed her forehead right where it would bump into mine. Our heads touched, like a soft kiss, and we looked at each other, screaming our feeling through our gaze.

We held there for a long while, neither of us wanting to move.

"I... I" I was struggling to find words. Trembling emotions stealing them away, eventually I managed to get out "I almost lost you. I never should have let you go, let you run off without me, injured or not I should have, I should I... I'm sorry." I said with a heavy sorrow as that once final moments surfaced again.

She took her hand and cusp-ed the back of my head "you know I'm tough to kill"

"hmm, just don't do that to me again, I need you with me, by my side. I can't handle losing you again."

#

"RRRRRAAAHHHHHH!" 'SLAM!' the wall let clanged, echoing in the metal room, mixing with the fading scream. I had slammed my arm against the wall, I let my thoughts and emotions get the better of me. I let them control my actions, Again. I cant, CANT, let that happen. People die.

Shepard and EDI were gone, I had turned off the radio in my helmet after the ceaseless demand for a sit-rep aboard the Normandy. I needed quiet, I needed to think. And time spent communicating with them, or waiting for backup is time I could be figuring out how to get to Shepard, time she could be slipping away.

#

"you can't just bludgeon your way through every criminal on the Citadel Garrus, I've taught you this, do it right, or not at all."

"whats the point if they just get away, each moment I spend worrying about whether I break one of the countless stupid C-Sec or council rules is another moment that gives the other guy a chance to run!"

"If you stop following the proper procedure, If you abandon these _rules_, then it makes you no better than who your after!" he back with a raised voice.

"But isn't that what it takes? Wouldn't it be better if I actually got the guy? Any damage would be worth it if we just nail his ass. Because that wouldn't be as bad as what they would do if they got away!"

"and what do you think that means Garrus? Just bludgeon through countless innocents, destroy and entire city block just because the one guy your after happens to be there? So what he's done terrible things, there are millions like him. And no matter how _good_ you are you cant get them all. So you get them right. _Without_ dropping to their level, you need to uphold what _you_ believe in without adopting what you strive to stop."

"ragh! But whats the point DAD! If I follow the rules most of them get away! Look at what happened to Dr. Saleon last month! I can't let that happen again!"

"Son, there will come a day where you will understand what I have tried years to instill into you. One day you'll see. You need to focus, get it done, right. You need to look at the details, and you need to be more invested in catching your target than he is invested in getting away. You gather all you need then you take him down quick and right, before he has a chance to react, like using a rifle, quick, efficient, minimal collateral."

I let out a sigh. "I. Fine. I see your point. Nice talking with you."

"stay safe Garrus"

"you know me"

#

_focus on the details. Details. Details._

I turned and looked at the odd claw device that looked like a larger version of the one Shepard ended up outside of after entering the beam back on that day.

"where did you send her?" I asked out to nothing. I began to look at the details. Try and think of where they could have taken her.

_The trail ends here, cold. So it's likely they brought them through here and somehow activated it, which brought them... somewhere. It's likely that this thing is similar to the conduit from Ilos. Connecting two points in space together like some kind of portal._

_It's also likely that only the keepers can activate these things, which must be in hidden over countless unknown halls throughout the citadel. Hmm. Reaper tech. We needed that Reaper Iff code to get through the Omega 4 relay, the keeper must have something similar that allows them to pass through here._

_Miranda, project Lazarus must of used some kind of tech similar to how the reapers animate their horror troops. Reaper tech. _I shuddered at that thought.

_maybe that's how it allowed her to pass through. I'm missing something._

_Anderson._

_He must of figured how to use it, perhaps he carried a husk corpse or a marauder corpse to get through._

_Or maybe the beam was just different from these claw things._

_Your getting side-tracked, focus._

_IFF, a key. I need to find something that will activate this and let me through. The keeper._

I took off down the hallway I came through and as fast as I could, made my way back to that Keeper that I killed with my bare hands. I looked through it, scanned it. Nothing. No life or energy signatures at all.

Then when I tried to pull off it's backpack I noticed the damn thing was fused into the back of the keeper.

_What does that tell you?_

Power. As long as the keeper is alive it keeps the backpack powered which allows it to travel through that relay device. Hmm.

_Keepers usually self destruct if you interact with them... well, they don't usually arrive in a horde and abduct people either... this might work._

#

I walked in front of the relay and stood there, bloody chunk of keeper meat oozing onto the floor with the backpack still attached. I took out my omni-tool and set it to stun. I pressed it to the meaty chunk and it sent an charge through the meat and into the backpack.

After a moment the relay-claw in front of me flashed to life and a blue energy ball emanated in the middle of it.

"Right behind you Shepard" I said, then I straightened up and walked right into the relay.

Flash of bright light, blind. Then darkness.

End Part 9 – Till We Part.


	10. Blood on the floor

An intense blast of light blinded me as I moved through the portal. Along with the light was a very loud noise similar to moving through relays, except it was deafening. With no hull of a ship or anything to dampen the noise it rang through my helmet and lasted until the blinding light faded away leaving a ringing sound in my ears.

I was suddenly standing in a different room than what I was just in. I was still a little dazed from the blinding light and noise and had to shake my head hard to get back my focus. I took a look around, this room was larger than the one before, and there were several other claw-relays in the room, I had emerged through the largest one which was in the centre of the room. I noticed I was still holding the chunk of keeper in my right hand. I had been clenching it so hard that I had dug my claws knuckle deep into the hunk of meat. Blood was still leaking out, oozing onto my armour and snaking its way to my boot. It was beginning to smell pretty bad. I shook my hand out of it and tossed it on the floor.

That's when I noticed that there was dry blood trails leading out from several of the other portals. Noticeable dried out blood trails where the keepers must of dragged countless corpses through here for... whatever reason, I didn't know. I couldn't stop my mind from racing through all the connections and thinking up a whole slew of nightmare scenarios. The worst thought of them all being as much horror and despair and near death moments I've experienced in these past few years; to the point where I entertained the idea that I've seen the worst if it. There was always the dreaded thought that there was always something worse that i could come across. To think that all the victims that painted the floor here and Shepard were likely connected sent my stomach turning.

Before I got any closer to blind delirium I took a few deep breaths, like when I'm about to take a shot from a distance. I scanned the area with my helmet, nothing but more hallways and what I would guess at more rooms than the one I was currently in. Below my position were very large heat signatures, giant food vats, or likely something worse. I must of been near the top of whatever structure I was in because there were no detectable floors after about 5 above me. Aside from the layout I was also tracking well over 100 targets within 200 Meters, all clearly keepers. I looked around at the holo data my helmet was giving off and none of the signatures looked like a mass of keepers hauling Shepard and EDI off. Where ever they were now, they were just too far away. Pushing back another urge to panic I started walking. I made my way out of the room and down the hall. Every second corner or so I would have to hide behind a support strut as a group of keepers would go walking past the halls just ahead of me.

_Damn sol, sure wish I had that cloaking device of yours... hell, could even use Shepard's... but she never shares...hmm. _With that pang of sorrow came an even stronger feeling; anger at even considering the hopelessness of the situation, I didn't care what the black and white of the situation was telling me, none of it matters. If I'm going to find Shepard, and EDI, I'm going to have to deal with all the grey. I'm just going to have to embrace it and hope I come out on the other end with all of us _alive_. Just need to keep moving, cant lose hope. I'll find them, I'll bring her, them back. My helmet was pinging about targets coming down the hall behind me, I turned the next corner and there were more keepers ahead of me, doubling back would put me up against the other ones, I was out of any sort of thermal clip, and i had the best chance of success if they didn't know I was here... though the keeper meat back in that first room would seem kind of obvious. Hell, how smart are keepers to start? Either way I had no time to ponder it, I was 15 seconds away from confrontation. I quickly looked around and caught a vent system a few feet away from me. It seemed large enough to heft myself and my armour through, but I still cursed.

I made my way into the vent, replacing the cover behind me, not two seconds later those keepers marched past, for moments I could hear nothing but the fast beating of my heart and the patter of their limbs marching across the cold metal. A few moments after they past by I began crawling further down the vent, cursing under my breath about heavy armour and tight spaces. I kept moving until I ended up at a fork. I stopped and tried to get my bearings through my helmet's sensors. It only took a few seconds for the metal to start screaming under my weight. Before I could start moving again a section gave way and I tumbled out backwards and out.

I was free falling, any attempts to catch anything were met with thin air. I let out a small surprised gasp as i resigned myself to gravity. I was spinning through the air one moment I could see the trashed vent, the next, I could see the metal floor below me. Things flashed before me.

#

"who's is this?" my father ordered at both my sister and I.

"what did I tell you about this kind of stuff?" we both stood straight with our back against the wall.

"well, either one of you honours up or you'll both be dealt with" I looked down for a moment, flashes of choice between honour and honesty, and loyalty and strength.

"It's mine Sir... I... found it, fixed it. Sol didn't even know" I stated keeping my stare straight and trying my best to look sincere. Though I still caught my sisters surprised sidewards glance at my Lie for her.

"I cant let you do that Garrus...I'm sorr-... I ...err, we happened upon it. Before we both headed back I snuck it into my pocked, Garrus is simply covering for me father. But I cant let him take the blame for me. Just... It was something I wanted. I-"

"Solana" my father interrupted. I was hurting from sol exposing my lie and taking her own blame, and neither of us knew what he would do. We prepared for the worst.

"father...sir" she replied, at attention.

There was a long pause before he turned a switch on the device and half his arm disappeared behind a cloak. "I don't think the enemy would be fooled by just a pair of legs walking around do you?"

my father gave us both a look equivalent to a stern smile, it's all in the eyes. Sol let out a shocked gasp, holding back a laugh at the image of legs walking around.

"you need a larger harmonic booster, your bigger than a drone. I want this perfected by 2600 tomorrow or I'm keeping it. Understood?"

both sol and I said "yes father" and took the device and got to work.

#

"Commander Shepard, Garrus Vakarian..."

#

'Breaking news, word of the destruction of Normandy SR1 in the Omega cluster and the death of hero of the battle of the citadel Commander Shepard has generated a surprised and angry response across many groups extra guards have been posted around the citadel tower as many citizens have begun violent protests-"

"I- no." I couldn't breath. Nothing felt real. And it all went downhill so fast.

#

"Oh... didn't know you had a weakness for men with scars..."

#

"So much has gone wrong Shepard..."

#

"I...Love you too..."

#

I saw the floor rush at me and a moment before impact I closed my eyes and said "I'm sorry Shepard".

CRACK!

End chapter 10


	11. Her Lifeless Corpse

I regained consciousness a split second after impact and was immediately assailed by pain. My whole body screamed at me and I cringed as I tried to tough it out and concentrate. I had broken through the floor, and into some kind of liquid. One of the vats I had scanned earlier most likely, my visor was cracked and it was pouring into my helmet threatening to drown me. That snapped my attention away from the pain and I went from waking panic to survival mode.

I was only able to grab a half breath before my helmet was completely filled with the liquid, I clawed out, blind feeling for anything to grab onto. _Less movement is more time, calm and cool keeps you around longer. _I stopped struggling for a hold and stopped moving for a minute. I waiting to get a sense of direction from how I was sinking. Completely still, with my lungs protesting at me for holding my breath and my mind racing about drowning I held completely still, waiting. I felt it after a moment, that subtle inertia, and I felt the blood in my body flow to my head.

And I knew I was upside down.

_Just like Shepard showed me, kick and push, simple._

With my arms I pulled out at oozing nothingness and tried to orient myself right side up. My lungs were starting to scream and I was starting to shake from the shock. I pushed that behind me and just concentrated on one thing. Swimming up.

Unlike the water of the beaches back on earth, this stuff was thicker, and I was able to pull myself up what felt like half my body length each pull and kick. As time passed I starting to go lightheaded and the panic began to subside, everything was starting to go calm, i could no longer hear myself, or the liquid as I swam upwards, everything just phased out. I kept pushing I knew i was only seconds away from drowning in here. And what hurt more then the thought of dying, was that I would have failed her. That despite all I do to try and keep her safe, she'd be killed, or tortured, or something unimaginable, in a place no one can find and with nothing I could do to stop it.

I pressed even harder for the top, fury of ANYONE trying to touch her driving me even faster. I didn't even think I had any breath left, but it no longer felt like it mattered. I felt almost past the need for air, the need to breath, my focus came back, and my fury was double that. Mere moments later my hand slammed onto the metal roof of the large vat and I pressed my face up close to it, desperate for some air. There was none to be had and unless I found the whole I punched through I would die.

_Rrrrraaahhhhhh! _"Rrraaaaaahhhhh!" I screamed slamming my arm against the metal roof; The last of my air escaping and sliding up past my face, rubbing upwards like the last touch of life moving away. In a reflex to breath I involuntarily inhaled the liquid, taste making me gag as i pulled into convulsions and final moments.

My beating against the ceiling slowed and I reached out one last time with the last bit of life left in me.

And I grabbed onto an edge.

I blacked out for a moment, but the next thing I remember is falling onto dry cold metal ground after I must have hauled myself out with strength I didn't have. It was in my eyes and in my lungs and I spent several very unpleasant moments coughing it up. Taste in my mouth like poison, with every fibre of my being refusing it. From coughing it up to wanting to throw up, to only getting just enough air with each struggling breath to keep coughing. With a wheeze I finally took in a clean breath, lungs still shouting in pain. Then I let myself fall to my side and just lay there, feeling weaker than I can ever remember feeling.

I was taking in fuller breaths now and I noticed the right side of my chest was still screaming in pain, I had cast my helmet off to the side right after I woke from that blackout, and I just looked down and I saw my armour was heavily dented inwards, with a long crack in the middle. The armour was crushing the right side of my chest and that's when i also realized part of it had splintered and punctured through my chest and into my right lung. Still a little dazed I tapped at my omni-tool and the clamps to my upper suit came loose and the left side fell off and clamoured onto the ground. On the right side I could see the metal piercing through my shirt and into my chest. I was on my knees and cringed as it started to gouge further downwards as it was no longer supported by anything. Before it could do anymore I pulled it out slowly, wincing and flinching in pain as it came free. It fell to the ground and I saw saw that along with the piece of metal piercing my lung, there was also an oxygen tube from within the suit. It used to feed to the plasma cutter on my omni-tool but by sheer dumb luck it had punctured into my lung and kept me from drowning for a few moments longer, and it was all I needed to get out. The pain was incredible and I wheezed as my lung collapsed. I grimaced as the feeling of choking returned.

Feeling really broken, really damn old, and in a lot of pain, I pulled medi-gel from the suit and applied it to the puncture wound, which sealed it. I took in a breath and felt as my lung filled itself again. The medi-gel numbed the pain and the delirium from the events that just happened began to subside. And... I just sat there, as if I forgot why i was even here in the first place, or like it was already too late. That thought hit me like a dagger, and I had no sedative for sorrow on me, but I guess the pain was a welcome reminder. I was still alive. I could still fight.

With a pained heave I hauled my thrashed armour over and layed it against a wall. With my omni-tool's mini-fabricator I got to work. Removing the bloody sliver of metal that pierced my lung, and then using mass effect field's from the suit's shields to apply enough force to bend the armour back into place. I then took the block out of my gun and used some it along with the mini-fabricator to replace the piece of armour that splintered. It was pretty patchwork but 5 minutes and I was done, and my suit was good to go.

Putting the suit back on wasn't the greatest feeling, my bones began to ache, the impact from the fall began weighing in. And along with that my puncture wound -through the numbing- protested the snug fit. Regardless I was good to go and I walked over to my helmet and picked it up. It was cracked in half in the front, the visor split in two and the internal computer was dead. I had gotten this helmet from EDI who requisitioned it from Sur'kesh's special projects division. It was a prototype, able to see through walls, track multiple targets and provide optimum firing solutions and a much better sound system than what my visor feeds through my headset. These were only a few of it's many features, but most importantly; It was also my best chance of spotting Shepard, or EDI through the walls of this place.

With no knowledge of where I was, when a keeper would round a corner, or where they took EDI and Shepard. My chances of getting out of here were quickly becoming nothing but a dream. I took a deep breath, which didn't hurt too much, and let it out in a long sigh. My nose complained about that horrible stench and I looked over to the me-sized hole in the floor. Gathering in information about my surroundings I looked at the liquid. It reminded me of the smell on the streets of Palaven right after the war. SO many dead, in which you could only gather how many dead were in the rubble by the bad the smell was. That's what this liquid smelled like, death, and rot. I had fallen into a vat of countless people who had been reduced to a simple paste, perhaps to be sent off elsewhere, maybe even the collector base, to be used in the construction of a reaper. _Damn am I glad we shut that down._

I had already gotten most of it off of me, but there was still enough on me to make me want to pull off my armour again and get it all off. I swallowed that thought, there just wasn't any time for that, there were more important things to do. I looked around, it was a rather large room, like a giant warehouse thousands of feet long to house multiple vats. _This place must be bigger than i first thought. _

It had several large round tanks in rows which carried down all the way to the end, with floor a little higher than the covers, making the room have large round circles in it's floor. It would probably take the entire population of all the council home worlds to fill not even half of this place. And I shuttered to think how many times the reapers were able to fill these tanks through the millennia.

_Why the hell do they want to take Shepard? Why alive? What is this place?_

From where I first came in through the relay, there were only a couple floors above me, with this giant room below, I would still place-myself near the top of the building. There was gravity everywhere, about that of Earths, or Palaven. But whether or not I was on a planet, in some hidden system, or in a massive station between systems I had no idea. That lack of information was incredibly frustrating. With each passing moment potentially meaning they could be doing something to Shepard, or EDI. Torturing them, killing them. I had to find them, and fast, this whole place was another nightmare and they were knee deep into it and I had no way of knowing how I would get them out. The only detail that made me they believe were still alive was how they were taken. If the keepers wanted her dead, they could of just killed her back on the citadel. They lost of lot of keepers swarming us an taking them. Had those been husks, or marauders, we'd be dead. Well... after a more than reasonable kill count of course. So spirits be with me she's still alive and I can still get to her, kicking keeper ass on the way there and on the way out. Maybe even blow up a few things, we'll see.

#

I didn't see anything in the floors above me back when I first came here. So I guessed that in order to find anything, I would have to head downwards. Though, maybe a little less direct than falling 80 feet. With my heading decided I headed for the first available exit out of the giant warehouse room. It only took a few minutes for the puncture in my lung to become uncomfortable. Felt like someone stuck a pen in my chest that moved every time I inhaled or exhaled. For a wound like this, the medi-gel would not hold if I had to keep moving, which I did. It felt like I could just drop dead at any point.

Regardless of the cheerful possibilities I pressed on. There were no stairs in this entire building, everything was ramped for the keepers. This was annoying because that means in order to go down all the way down to whatever would be in the lower parts of this place, I would have to travel almost three times as far. Nine or ten flights down breathing became really uncomfortable. A couple times I would start wheezing with each breath until I felt my suit apply more medi-gel to my wound. Once it sealed again I would start breathing normally. If I kept this up I would run out of medi-gel, and that would be bad. On the bright side, no keepers yet. On the downside, no keepers probably means Shepard and EDI aren't very close. I wouldn't last much longer unless I dealt with my wound in a more permanent manner.

I remembered there was a small med-kit hidden in the but-stock of my rifle, something the turian military instills in you to keep around on the good chance you'll stop getting actual medical supplies. This was going to be in no way pleasant. But I had to do it.

#

Sewing needle. 1 foot of stitches. Half shot of turian brandy, cheap kind. Knife.

I found a room on one of the lower floors, filled with miscellaneous furniture from the citadel. With no time to questions the implications I moved stuff around and set up a little work area. I dreaded what I had to do, but i also knew it was the only long-term fix. Right now it was my only chance; I started by removing my suit, placing it to the side. I pulled off my shirt exposing the wound for the first time. It was soaked in dark-blue medi-gel, mixed with blood. It looked a hell of a lot worse than it felt, and it hurt a lot. Nothing compared to how much it was about to hurt. Any other time and i would be checking into the med-bay. There was a mirror in the room that I found and set up opposite me. I cleaned away the medi-gel-blood combo leaving the wound fully exposed. Through the mirror I could see my lung-still sealed with fresh medi-gel- expanding and contracting with each breath. It was a little unsettling and I had more than one thought to just re-patch it and keep going. But i knew that wouldn't work. I knew what I had to do.

Inhale... Exhale... Inhale... Exhale... inhale...

As quick as I could and using the mirror I took the needle with the stitches and pushed into the puncture wound, anaesthetized by the medi-gel or not digging into the wound was met was an almost unbearable pain. It was so intense I felt like I could pass out, getting shot was far less painful. A pained groan escaped me and I was trying to hold as steady as possible so I could stitch it cleanly. I had to work through the wound, and stop my lung from twitching inwards in an attempt to escape the needle. Working between my ribs didn't give me a whole lot of space and I had to _really_ dig through the wound. I was delirious. Pierce, through, pull. I was writhing in pain. Pierce, through, pull. The needle fell from my hand, which was shaking really hard; I was shaking really hard. I took my other hand, popped the shot of brandy, tossed the bottle then got back to work. Hands were still shaking, did my best to steady them. Pierce, through, pull. I let out a long wheeze, able to hold my breath no longer, it pulled the stitch in through my chest then popped back out. Hold. Pierce, through, pull. I was almost done. Pierce, through, pull. Almost... pierce, through, pull. Pierce, through, pull. Exhausted, I tied it off and cut the end of the stitch, then applied medi-gel over top sealing it again. Then I let go and exhaled and it sucked the stitch through. _Those will have to be removed later._

Good, I'm half done. Now the skin.

#

My lung was patched, my skin was now freshly patched. And I was more or less good to go. I didn't sit still long. No more sitting dazed, no more feeling lost, or hopeless. _I'm getting them back even if it kills me and I'm damn hard to kill. _

Just a few meters into walking again and I knew all that pain was worth it. As excruciating as it was, walking was almost normal again. Instead of every step sending pain through, it now just felt like a really weird scab; all tight around the edges. It was comforting in an uncomfortable way and I was able to move at a decent pace.

#

I got to a hallway that led away from the ramp, which kept going downwards even farther. I must of have already gone down a few hundred feet but something about this hallway told me this is where I needed to go. Like some kind of instinct, I quickly decided this was my floor. I had already passed several other almost identical hallways but this was the one. I could feel it. Still there were no keepers, and I had been moving through for a while. That feeling of something is wrong started seriously creeping up my spine again. Moving past the doors I was wound up, ready to strike at anything. The further I went the more seemingly paranoid I became. I couldn't quite make it out, but there was some kind of hum that was getting louder the farther down this hall I went. And with each step I felt I had to start moving faster.

I became so blindly focused on this, I wasn't even concerned about the lack of any keepers anymore. I actually felt like I just... understood. I turned around a corner and the feeling was even stronger at the far end of the hall were an old set of doors. Really old ones, before they all became automated. And emanating through the cracks between these doors was light. Lots of light. My visor wasn't picking up anything. But the visor was wrong, it had to be. She was behind this door. It's what I just knew. She was behind this door. I need to open the door.

We can go home now, everything will be OK.

#

I woke up to the sun shining right into my eyes, the blinds were open, which means Shepard was up. She always sleeps in the dark. Outside you could see the tree's under the balcony and above them you could see the ocean touch the horizon. The sun was just above that and it shined all the way through and into the windows. I thought it kind of odd that Shepard was up before me, but I guess there will always be days where i'll just sleep in past my normal wake up time. Guess that's just what happens to old soldiers like me after a war. Sleep stops being so light, and it takes just a bit more to wake you up each night.

I got out of bed, still wearing my pants, but no shirt. I walked over to the chair where I always toss it; but it wasn't there. It was over in the closet. I don't remember putting it there, and it's not u sally Shepard's thing to pick up after me like that. Unless it's in her way, but were good at avoiding that.

I know! There must be something special happening today. Today must be a special day. I racked my mind for what it could be, my birthday was still a few weeks away, it wasn't even close to her birthday. Our anniversary is on the same day we hit the collector base, and we decided that it's also on that day we went to shoot bottles. That way we can celebrate twice a year. But when people ask how long we've been together we always go for the longer date. It's funny how much you can communicate without words when you've been together as long as we have. Sure, it's not as long as most other people, but were special.

I walked over to the kitchen, which was also connected to the living room. Shepard wasn't here either. If she was going somewhere, she would leave a message on her data pad. I walked over to the counter it was lying on and i picked it up.

" i am a**W**ay for **A**while, i'll be bac**K** later on. if your hungry i made som**E** food. I probably b**U**rnt it though. i'll probably bring back some sup**P**er or something, see you then!" - shep

huh, odd message. I'll have to ask about it when she gets back. I can't wait to see her, feels like it's been awhile, which is silly. Im just glad I don't have to worry... well, as much. I took the datapad and looked through the data pad. Some notes, calendar – which was blank. Last I saw it it was filled outside of our holiday. Guess she just decided to clear it. _Wait. _Like waking up over again I switched back to the note and looked at all the bolded letters.

_WAKE UP_

_what the hell does that mean?_ I was up, i AM up. My vision got blurry and light started shining through the front door. It was an old door, one you had to open by hand. I was starting to get some kind of oily tunnel vision that worsened when i looked at the door. It felt powerful and it wanted me to wait here. But something else, something deeper inside me told me not to listen, and told me the door was the way out. But I should just head back to bed, or wait for Shepard. But I need to open that door.

I need to open that door.

I walked up to the door and grabbed the handle, it was cold, I don't remember the last time i had to use a door like this. I tried pushing it, and it wouldn't budge. Then I gave it one good pull and it yanked open and I was blinded by a light, I couldn't see where it was coming from and the whispers started screaming like a crowd of familiar voices all at once. Saying things like:

"...wake up..."

"...just come home..."

"...i'll be looking down..."

"...never be alone..."

"...you always say that G, but you know you never can..."

then they all stopped for a split second then returned joined by hundreds of voices both organic and synthetic all at once:

"SHE IS MINE!"

#

Next thing I knew I was on my knees, one hand on the floor, the other to my head. Sudden and intense migraine threatening to split my head in half. Each throb was like glass shifting back and forth. I grimaced and forced myself to stand up. I was in the lit room, lights seemingly through the walls, with no obvious source. I turned to look behind me, that old door I remembered was now an automated bulkhead, dark and the only thing other than the floor not producing light. I took deep breaths, fighting through the pain. I staggered over to a wall and placed a hand on it. The light reacted to my touch and the light under my hand faded. Under it was old and rusted metal, an older part of the structure. I turned to watch as it spread around the whole room, swallowing the light and revealing the room behind it. Rusted rivets were holding the walls up and the room gave the feeling that whoever used this room existed long ago. That it's been a long time since any keeper has been here to maintain the place. As the last of the light faded away I found myself facing the bulkhead door again. The migraine and the shadows dissipated quickly after the light disappeared. There was still enough light in the room to cast my shadow onto the door. To the left of my shadow was another. A very familiar shadow that stood just past shoulder height to mine. The curves of it's body elongated by the awkward cast of the light. I've seen this shadow many times before, I would recognize who it belonged to any day.

It was Shepard's.

I spun around to find the wall opposite the door was actually a window. A glass pane into another room. This room was lit by the same lights that lit the way in every hallway I've been through since the relay. It cast down on her figure shining light to the restraints that kept her in place. I walked up to the glass and without a word pressed my hands on the window, looking into the room. She was lying on the floor and she was motionless. _How the hell did I see her shadow?_

I walked up and bumped on the window with my right hand and said "Shepard!" she didn't move, I continued to hit the window and call out her name, each time louder and harder than the next. I became frantic I couldn't see her breathing, she wasn't moving. She almost seemed lifeless. I began to scream, long, drawn out and furious screams; trying my hardest to break through the window. Then, the doors in the room opened and keepers walked in. They ignored my screams and my attempts to get into the room. The two keepers simply walked on either side and dragged her lifeless body along the floor. My visor could barely pickup a heart beat; It was faint but there I watched as she disappeared from view, head, body, legs, feet. The door closed and the light in the room turned off. I stopped yelling and headed for the door as fast as I could.

Out into the hall I took the first turn and tried to get to the other side where they left as fast as I could. But this place quickly turned into a maze it wasn't long before I knew I had lost them again. Seconds turned into minutes and time past a point where my heart stopped racing and each hallway or corner became more hopeless. Still I kept moving and what felt like hours later –though likely no longer than an hour- I finally found a door that looked like the same one they took Shepard through. A quick hack later the door opened and revealed something entirely different.

#

There was no light in this room, the only light shined from the halls and my shadow cast a veil over a slumped metallic body. It just lay there carelessly tossed onto a pile of other stuff I couldn't make out. It was EDI, her lifeless corpse sent my mind racing again. I hesitated for a second, it was EDI, but Shepard was also getting farther away. Any time I spent dealing with EDI was time they could be doing something to Shepard. I had a mind to just try and remember this spot and try and come back to it later after I find her again. But I also knew that I know where EDI is now, and I had no idea where Shepard was anymore; and I could really use the help.

#

I picked her up and carried her in my arms back out into the hall. I layed her against the wall and ran diagnostics on my omni-tool. She had dents and scratches all over her but there wasn't any obvious damage that would... render her offline. EDI was still in the Normandy and it was hard to remember that sometimes. Far as I knew her bot was controlled remotely and right now the Normandy is still at the citadel. _Maybe she the bot shut off after going through the relay._ She was able to restart the bot after the clone shut her off. But she must have still been able to send a signal to automatically activate it. She must not of had the chance to do that, or perhaps the keepers disabled her when she shut off before she could reactivate herself. It didn't matter, this seemed simple enough. Except I have no Idea how to re-activate her bot. All my work re-activating her was in the AI core and when she finally started to work again she turned on the bot herself. Yea, she attacked me afterwards and almost killed everyone, but her body was her doing. _Damn I wish I had a manual or something right now_.

Puzzled, I just kept staring at her, kneeling on one knee beside her and thinking..._ Tight beam signal. That's it!_

I took off my visor and connected it to my omni-tool. My visor uses a form of tight-beams to gather some information about my surroundings. If I could just plug it in, and reverse it and send the right signal her body should turn on. A few taps later I let it run through all the various frequencies. You could hear it buzzing in my earpiece as white noise for awhile then it stopped. The frequency moved out of the range of the radio-piece and into what I could only guess as what she uses to communicate data to the bot. Finally after several dead-silent moments she jolted to life and her orange visor flickered to life. Right afterwards her eyes opened and she quickly pushed herself upright and looked around rapidly scanning the area for enemies, letting out a surprised "ah!" as she did. It was as if the last thing she remembers was being carried away by the keepers. She turned to look at me her face adjusting into multiple expressions as she most likely was running a systems check on herself. A moment later she said "where is Shepard?". My shoulders dropped and my mandibles twitched with regret. "...I don't know yet... but she's still alive and were gonna find her and get her out." I said.

EDI had a really scrounged look like she was really uncomfortable about something. "we are not near the Normandy. I don't... Feel... as much, I don't like it. And I cannot locate or communicate with the crew. Though... I assume I would still functional."

"So.. your... you on the Normandy and in the bot?" I asked. Raising an eyebrow.

"Yes. It would be safe to assume I am active in this bot _and_ on the Normandy separately. Though like when I was de-activated by Shepard's clone, being limited to this bot severely affects my abilities to perform." she said that with a dry tone, as if she was severely annoyed at her situation.

"so... your not in contact with the Normandy?"

"no I am not, and I don't know what to expect when I reconnect with... myself."

"hmm. Im sure it will be no different than when you reconnected with yourself last time."

"no, last time I could still maintain connection with myself even though all primary functions were placed offline, I was blind, not separate. This is different. I am effectively in two places at once."

"right... before we figure it out there's someone we need to save." I offered my arm and she took it as I hauled her onto her feet she replied "yes, there are more important things right now. We must retrieve Shepard from the keepers."

I looked down for a moment, silent. Then I replaced my visor back onto my head while I looked up again, right at EDI. Cold fury burning behind my eyes. "And were gonna make each and everyone of those little bastards pay."

End Chapter 11


	12. Off The Map

Chapter 12 – Off the map.

Something deep in the depths of my mind bothered me. Aside from all the obvious going on there was something, a detail not quite there, but I cant remember what it is. There's a gap, and all the details, everything, is screaming at me to pay attention. What is it? There's something, I know it's there, I can feel it.

"Everything all right Garrus? EDI asked from beside me as we were walking down another hallway. She had been watching me from my side for some time now, but I wasn't paying attention to that. I was too wrapped in my own thoughts, hell I wasn't even paying much attention to where we were going. Just picking a route and walking.

"huh? oh... hmm..." I responded, so deep in my thoughts that I almost forgot the fact she even asked anything.

"Judging by your response, there is something on your mind. Something that allowed us to pass through this hall way for a second time." she replied, inflecting a tone that suggested I stop for a moment and pay attention.

I stopped walking, and she turned back to look at me and stopped walking herself. My mandible twitched as it does when I am thinking hard about something. I was staring right at her and her back at me, but nothing was in detail, my mind was focused on something else, my eyes didn't bother with the fine curves of her bot or the rough edges of the hallway we were in, instead everything was hazy, out of focus. We both held there for a moment before I closed my eyes, bent my head and shook it. I placed a hand on my forehead searching for a detail that wasn't there but was essential regardless.

What it is? I remember everything but my mind is telling me I'm missing something; like a memory hidden from view with with enough neural connections around it for you to know its still there. Like it was removed.

"I... there's... something, that's been on my mind." I said, my racing mind preventing me from clearly getting that out into the physical world.

"That much seems apparent. Perhaps I could assist?" EDI offered. As she straightened her shoulders and cusped her hands behind her back.

"hmm, wish you could help. But I can't remember what it is, I know... I know it's there, it's there. And it's essential. I know that much, I do, I just... Hmm." my mandible twitches again and I shrugged my shoulders at her. "I just don't know what it is."

EDI was silent for a moment, but in the moment she must have run thousands of scenario's. Though nothing compared to what she could do if she was... her, on the ship... but way more than any organic. Finally after that moment she looked right at me with a slight tilt of her head and she said.

"you are indoctrinated."

That word ran out of her mouth like a dagger through a window. It shattered away everything and it sent my mind in motion. Horror and panic, and clarity. I didn't remember everything, only thought I had. And that was the thing, that was the detail. I had found Shepard, I had found EDI but it had all happened too fast. Anyone in their right mind would of realized how impossible it all was. I could feel myself shaking, whether it showed through my armour I didn't know. I had found Shepard I remember that, and I remember they took her. But everything before that room. That room with the... damn it! What was it. The... and how the hell did I get there? My mind burned running through multiple scenarios and asking all the questions that just set me even further into analyzing that shadow in my mind.

Indoctrination.

That word held on the forefront of my thoughts like a dark shadow beckoning answers. The room, Shepard, but before that. Walking, then... the room... and Shepard. I heard a whisper outside my ear and I turned to look but nothing was there. EDI gave me a look, tilting her head and analyzing me in silence. Finally again I heard it and it was clear this time and the block from my mind released itself and memories rushed in like wave silencing all my other thoughts. "SSSHHHEEEE ISSSSSS MMMMIIINNNEEEEE" it hissed. The hallway—the obsession-the house—home-the datapad-the light-that room—Shepard, it all rushed into place. It -and it was an it, it was a force, a physical thing- and it was in my head. It wanted, had her. And it had guided me to her, forced me there. To watch, helpless. Again it repeated itself louder, a scream, but still a whisper. "SSSSSSHHHHHEEEE IIIISSSSSSSSS MMMMMMMMMMIIIIINNNEEEEE!". I blinked and looked at EDI, clearly now and my eyes could catch every detail. She straightened her head, noticing my instant change in awareness.

"I can hear it." I said, the blood rushed away and a feeling of cold washed over me. Darkness encroached in my peripherals for a moment then my eyes cleared. And I was aware. It was with me and I knew. It could watch listen and hear to everything that I could see, it was using me to keep her away. It had led me to her and carried her away right in front of me. And now she was far gone again and it was in control. It wanted me to know that. An initial feeling of panic was eradicated by a sudden feeling of steel calmness.

"Your right." I said.

EDI was silent for a moment.

"That is not ideal, it limits how long our search will remain effective" she said, I thought I could almost hear concern in her voice.

"Your right. Hmm... how long do I have?" I asked. I know being a mindless slave wouldn't be effective in getting out of here. I figured EDI knew more about it than I could at this moment. And I felt strangely calm about it, almost indifferent.

"The indoctrination process is slow, usually it takes weeks, or months to subvert ones willpower and produce an effective indoctrinated agent. We have only been here for... a few hours plus the time I was inactive."

"It feels a lot faster than that EDI, until a moment ago I didn't even remember how I found my way to Shepard, and from her to you. Though I know it led me there, and it was damn convincing." I was annoyed at myself, even if I was powerless to stop it, it was infuriating how ironic it was to be indoctrinated after the reapers were destroyed. Or well, at least right in the middle of becoming indoctrinated. And for all I know this thing could be the grand reaper, bigger than harbinger. The self-awareness and the lack of information of it all made me sick.

"The process could be sped up to just a few days, or even a couple of hours. There are many factors involved the most important being ones willpower. But increasing the speed in which one is indoctrinated simply renders them inert. You will go mad from the presence, and you will enter a catatonic state, or go insane." she was going to finish with that, but quickly added "Though there is a possibility you will be able to resist the effects long enough for us to escape."

"Fantastic" I said dryly. The odds weighed on me but it didn't stop me from still having hope. I've been through so many hopeless situations with Shepard and we always came out on top. I had to keep believing this wouldn't be any different. _I wish we had a little more help than this._

"well, there's nothing we could do about that now, let's focus on what we can do." _I just need to push forward... for as long as I can._

EDI and I took a moment to figure out where we were going. We agreed to head for the edge, an edge of this place and try and get an idea of where we were. Perhaps we could link up to a transmitter and sent out a signal for help and maybe even figure a way for some back-up.

"So EDI... thoughts on the other you? What do you think _you_ would be doing right now?" I asked, trying to fill the silence with something other than the increasing whispers in my mind.

"I would have already informed the crew of the situation, knowledge that this unit has left the range of the Normandy would conclude that the keepers have taken Shepard and I through a relay. It would also be safe to assume that you would have followed. The crew would search for our last known location and send help through the relay."

"that might be a problem, it's coded to keepers. Unless they find a friendly one."

"then how did you make it through the relay?"

I gave her a look out of the corner of my visor. "I have my ways"

she raised an eyebrow for a second then she turned her head forward again and said "That explains the state of your armour. There is a above average amount of blood on it."

I looked down at my armour, there was still dried keeper blood painted down my right side, and there were stains of paste from the vat I fell into, along with my own blood around the patch I had to make in my armour, behind which the wound must have been bleeding a lot before the medi-gel sealed it. And my gloves were soaked in blue blood as well from when I had to patch myself up. I was a mess.

"hmm. I had a rough morning. Though not as bad as that keeper." I said casually.

Dry humour aside we both knew we couldn't count on getting any backup. Not unless we could contact someone.

#

we made our way to the end of the structure, or rather _an_ end of the structure. The whispers were getting worse, they would pipe up every time we hit a fork in the road, they would try and tell me where to go, along with the usual whispering of ideas and memories from my past. The whispers were trying to break me down, but I was able to ignore them and keep moving, at least for the moment. We got to an edge, the corners and rooms stopped and instead there was a long hallway that stretched out to what I would guess as the perimeter of this place. Along with that, the far wall had a large shutter that was pulled down. There was a terminal, EDI went to look at it while I turned on some music on my visor, Expel 10 - The end is now the start – album. -something they released a few months after the reaper war to raise money for reconstruction efforts- They had a couple good songs that I listen to on occasion when I need to draw attention away from things, like the whispering. I figured I could do without hearing them for a while and so I drowned them out and cranked up the volume. Right before it got to the drop and crescendo of the song EDI finally opened the shutters. Like out of a vid the music fit the scene that I saw, I had to put my hands on the railing in front of me to steady myself.

Out there, in front of me... was the milky way Galaxy. We were in dark space. Like straight out of the galaxy map on the CIC to the real damn thing. It had more colour and more life to it than any holo could ever provide. Everything I knew, my entire life, all life that I knew, was right in front of me. The realization of where I- where we were, hit me with a strong sense of vertigo. Dark space. Damn, we must be out where the reapers wait for the next cycle. This building this, station in dark space must be the other end of the citadel, which in itself is a relay into dark space, a portal for those living nightmare factories.

Vigil, that AI from Ilos -_feels like a lifetime ago- _told us that. 'The Citadel is actually an enormous mass relay, one that links to dark space'. It's not just one relay, The Citadel is a collection of relays, along with being one itself large enough to move an invasion force like that of the reapers. I was on the other end of a loaded gun, who knew what could be out here, my mind raced. Vanguard reapers, Keeper home worlds, a secondary invasion force, countless husks and other abominations kept in storage. Any sort of nightmare could be here.

"Garrus, You must see this, Follow me" EDI said, she was wide eyed for a moment and her fingers twitched a little as she removed herself from the terminal. "I have completed my data mining processes from that terminal, it's technology is older than any known thing today, aside from perhaps the leviathan themselves as there is no record that predates them. I-.. one moment" EDI seemed almost distracted, she went up to a door, and like she owned the place tapped a few buttons and the door opened up to an elevator. "please, inside." she said, as it started moving upwards she continued. "This facility is the staging ground for their initial invasion through the many relays throughout the citadel. When the Protheans disrupted the signal to activate the main relay for the reapers, it wasn't discovered until it was too late, and the invasion was postponed. They could have simply sent their forces through the smaller relays that the keepers use, but their attack would be limited to the citadel and it would also alert the galaxy to the reaper threat. They knew they couldn't survive a well prepared galaxy so instead they held off their attacks until they could get their entire force into play. Their planned invasion relied on Sovereign, and he failed. This significantly improved our chances for success. Here we are, let me get the shutters." she said as we exited the elevator into what seemed to be a large circular observatory at the top of the structure.

The shutters opened and far off in the distance you could make out a large pristine and mystical structure with five long arms that stretched out into the reaches of dark space, tiny little lights all over from what you could guess to be hundreds of thousands of keepers at work. Out there in the darkness, with the light of the milky way galaxy in the background reflecting off it's pristine outer shell, was the citadel.

End Chapter 12


	13. Love of my Light

"Why?" I asked, staring out at the citadel. At _a _citadel. "I- I mean, why would they be building another one? I.." I shook my head, was I even thinking clearly. I was finding the more the voices and whispers were around, the more I began to question my own thoughts. How am I to resist something that's a part of me? That's my own thoughts, or at least seemingly indistinguishable from _my_ thoughts. Everything was damn convincing and I would be mid-thought into agreeing with something before I would realize it's not something I agree with, and I would shake out of it and push the thought away.

_There is a reason I am here, why Shepard was brought here, and there's nothing i could do to change it._

_Shepard is supposed to be here, and what will happen must be done, it's inevitable._

_Help is not coming, life can easily live on without us three._

_It's best if I should sit down here and wait._

And to go with that, the whispers were a little more easily seen as thoughts outside my own, holding voices of those in my past.

_You wont succeed out there._

_I love you, Garrus Vakarian._

_No matter what happens._

_You always say that G._

_What you think playing rogue agent out there with that spectre gives you an excuse to forget about your family?_

_Garrus!...Garrus... Sidonis.. he... he must have ... the others ... they didn't... I'm sorry._

_If you don't play by the rules, it makes you no better than those your trying to stop._

_You know your never going to see her again. And you've only ever been able to tell her you loved her once?_

_That's it? Just let her run off by herself? You know this was it. The last time._

_Garrus, if we don't do this she'll die. You need to go, trust me Garrus._

_Hey Garrus, I love you, but I'm sorry, I must go, I must die. Goodbye my love._

Wait. How? But. That wasn't a memory, Shepard never said that. But it feels like a memory, I feel like I remember her telling me that, and the whispers were recalling it. Whispering softly into my ear like she was beside me now, telling me it's ok. Telling me not to be sad, and that _this_ must be done, she must die. That she always loved me, always will. That she'll meet me at the bar.

Ignoring these thoughts, these whispers with her voice feels like ignoring her, like trying to constantly tell myself that it's all a lie, and that's not what she wants. And it _really_ feels like that's how she feels, that's what she wants. And it's hard to just stand there and breath.

_Goodbye Garrus, and if I'm up there in that bar and your not. I'll be looking down, you'll never be alone._

_Just let me go._

I closed my eyes and bowed my head. All I could do was just breathe, deep breaths, and try and focus. I had to believe what I know, before what I know changes. Before I accept those razor edged thoughts flying through. Another deep breath and I focused again. The Citadel, or... rather... a _C_itadel. Out there way off in the distance of the empty void of dark space, lay that massive station giving off light from what I could only guess as hundreds of thousands of keepers working to finish off the construction of their grand station. It was almost complete, you could see they would be done within the next day or two, perhaps even sooner. It's impossible really tell with keepers, and there were countless flashing lights as they welded and fitted and build another Citadel. But why? Is that just what they are programed to do? Or is someone or _something_ instructing them to build another one? And what would that gain? The reapers are dead, another Citadel would do nothing to harm the galaxy, in fact, it would help out the galaxy. A beacon like the citadel would restore a certain feeling of order and normalcy that hasn't existed since before any of this started, Saren, Sovereign, Collectors, Harbinger, the invasion, all of it. Funny how it only took a few years to make me feel a few decades older. But indoctrinated or not I'm not any less wiser, and I can see when something reeks of wrong.

The keepers, or whoever was controlling them had a plan, and they were more than a few steps ahead of EDI and I, and everyone down there in the milky way galaxy.

_I'm definitely going to have to blow something up._

"It seems the galaxy will have a working citadel soon. As to what that entails or how they plan to place it back in it's original position raises some questions. If I could link up to a more... useful data terminal I may be able to find out more information about what is happening here, and perhaps I could discover where they are keeping Shepard, and why." EDI said, answering my question as to why they are building another citadel. It's not often EDI doesn't have an answer to something, and you could tell she seemed a little agitated to be as in the dark as I was. And being limited to the capabilities of just the bot with the knowledge of what her capabilities back on the ship are must also be frustrating her.

"That's probably our best bet" I said in agreeance, working through the whispers suggesting otherwise. "Lets go figure out where Shepard is, and how to stop whatever is being planned here."

#

Hours past, as EDI and I made our way deeper into the structure. Our advantage this time, EDI had a map and what seemed to be a good sense of where the important area's are, though not whats in them. To their own fault, the further we got into the structure, the more irritated and angry the whispers began to sound. I just took that as a sign that we were headed in the right direction. We passed through countless large rooms and I could only guess that they were used to store their reaper abominations for the invasion. Though none were sent through the keeper relays, EDI's theory to the reapers keeping their forces together for one massive assault made sense.

I still remember the sound of the reapers announcing their arrival as they burst through the sky as they slammed into Palaven's cities. Reports of husks, cannibals, marauders, and even brutes came in just hours into their invasion. Even from outside the city I had to fight through a couple dropped waves of husks and cannibals with my sister and my father while trying to get the as far away from the city as possible. Even through their training and military discipline that's instilled in all turians I could still catch looks of shock and terror on my sister, and deep in my fathers eyes.

Thinking back on that, it made sense they had already had sufficient reaper ground forces to use against us from the start. And that they had gotten those people from the Citadel. It explains the thousands of unsolved missing persons cases C-SEC filed away after a certain length of time with no results. People were being swept right out from under the heart of citadel space but no one ever seemed to care long enough to discover why. _Damn I hated my job there, we were supposed to be protecting people and we just let shit like this happen? That job, that uniform, wasn't about protecting people, it was about keeping the peace, and that's not just about locking away criminals, it's about keeping the people calm. Even if it meant lying or refusing to acknowledge how much was happening that we couldn't stop._

_It's fitting that those you ignored and were forgotten became your greatest threat through their ascension._

_What the hell?_

My senses sharpened as if preparing for a hostile encounter. I went on edge and was ready to strike as that voice whispered, clear as if right beside me, but also as if only in my head. It's hard to explain, but it was different from the whispers, that voice. The one that said "she is mine" it was that voice. But calmer, more in control. It was speaking directly to me listening in on my thoughts and finally deciding to pitch in revealing once again it's invasion of my mind.

"Oh spirits, do shut up." I said out angrily loud before I could catch myself.

EDI gave me a look of concern, as we both know nothing was said. Instead of asking about the voices, or about my outburst, she avoided making an issue of the unpleasant situation of my indoctrination by instead saying "We are almost there, we must hurry."

#

There was a door up ahead. Large bulkhead door with the expected door panel. Unlike all the other odd and very old doors we passed in those endless hallways which were now way above us. This one was quite familiar, the red glow coming from the locked virtual solid state panel gave a familiar feeling of home. It also reminded me that if Shepard was here she would be all over that thing. Instead of Shepard practically prancing over, EDI moved in and after a few short seconds of watching her omni-tool bypass the security codes it opened up.

Inside was a room with several tables with keeper terminals along them. It looked like a security room of sorts, and had around 20 or so terminals for keepers. At the other end of the room was a large rounded window out into darkness. This window took up the entire wall from about half up. On the lower half was the last row of consoles at the back of the room, and in the middle of these consoles was one not meant for keepers. It was a terminal for someone other than a keeper, and it was off like everything else in the room and was only lighting the darkness with a flashing orange orb.

Moving into the room brought a strong chill. The whispers started to become excited and quick and their words quickly turned into frantic and wordless whispers. This was definitely the right room, and their sudden change in tempo was solid evidence. Moving up to the terminal which felt like the centrepiece in the room despite not being in the middle felt like walking up to the off button on this whole nightmare. This is it, It's what we need to find out where Shepard is, whats going on here, how to stop it, and where to place the grenade.

EDI moved to a terminal near the door and had her back to the window, while I moved to the main console. A few quick taps and the screen hummed to life, and some dim lights turned on in the room. It was still too dark to see what was on the other side of the window, but I didn't really think it important. The terminal required my attention and I quickly ran through it. I stumbled upon a directory which inside had two names:

Harbinger – which was faded out

Shepard – which was flashing.

_Why the hell is this here? What do they want with her?_

It was only then that I had noticed that the whispers had fallen silent.

Looking down at my hands something was casting a faint light on them, lighting up the left side of my hands and causing me to stop myself from looking for more information and to look up at where the light was coming from. Last time I followed light it wasn't exactly the most ideal outcome but what I saw wasn't anything close to what I expected to see.

To my left, within arms-reach and looking at me with a look that stopped my heart and brought me weak in my knees,

was Shepard.

#

Days had past since we were last here, back on earth. It almost three entire days to get the Normandy running again, and without EDI's system checks, our manual checks were aggravatingly time-consuming. Walking past the CIC I caught some low ranking officer feebly trying to re-calibrate a core system to get it back into operational range. With cold fury at the prospect of the time it would take for him to get it right while she was still out there caused me to coldly toss him out of the way and start calibrating that system faster than anyone on the ship ever could. I had it running in a five minutes, I didn't even look back after I finished to see his face, though one could guess at the embarrassment... or anger.

My body screamed at me, I shouldn't of even been up. I was an hour off the med-bay table after Chakwas had cleaned up my countless injuries and internal bleeding. Noticing the tilt in gravity when I first stood up I knew we were planet side, and that the Normandy has crashed. I headed out towards the hatch and found joker who had just headed outside. My visor took note of his injuries but he was clearly still able to walk around. Despite several fractures he had moved about for hours trying to get systems including EDI back online and running again with minimal success. He had fractured his arm against a wall in the AI core when he couldn't get EDI re-activated. On his way back to the cockpit he could see her slumped figure in the co-pilot seat. Turning his head away he decided instead to head outside. To be free of the ship, to be free of her corpse. And we both just stood there, despite our injuries staring out into some unknown jungle grasping onto the last bit of light in the world before having to head back inside and face our losses, face reality, face the grey. It would of been so easy to just lay all the blame on joker, for hauling us out here, for leaving her behind, to blame him for the situation I was stuck in. But that;s not how it was, nor would it ever of worked out like that. I couldn't speak to him, couldn't see him. For he was a reflection of my nightmares, he had lost her, lost EDI. Standing in a room with him would have been impossible for me for his presence screamed what I would end up as. And whats worse EDI had a possibility of coming back, not that I knew at the time, but you still had the sense that because she was synthetic that meant there was always that 'maybe, just maybe'. But not for Shepard, if she was gone then there would be no changing that, not this time. So seeing joker was a fresh reminder of how I would be alone, and I couldn't bare it. Instead, when I wasn't doing all I could to get the Normandy flying again, I was either in the forward battery, or in Shepards cabin. People kept trying to find words to console me, or offer hope, or a reality check; I just wanted to avoid anyone and all the sorrow in their eyes telling me they knew she was gone.

Then came the second night of being stuck on that planet and I was up in Shepards cabin, doing... something. It's... hard to remember. I think most likely I was looking for anything to remind me of her. Anything to keep that feeling of hope alive, to keep her alive. Cause without some anchor to believe in, the doubt that had already spread over the rest of the crew would corrupt me too, and I couldn't bare that. I was sitting down on _her _couch when the doors wooshed open. I braced myself to shrug off someone coming up here to say some pointless thing. And instead of Liara, or Tali, or someone I'd expect to come up to try and console me Joker limped in instead.

"I... dammit. You mind if I sit?" joker asked, sorrow woven in through every word.

I took a moment before saying "Well your already here... go ahead."

We both just sat there in silence neither of us not really knowing what to say, we both knew we were in similar circumstances and expressing anything to each other wasn't a skill either of us had. Finally joker said "She sacrificed herself... she... god fucking dammit" he said, throwing his heads into his hands and on the verge of tears.

Those words came up with two people in my mind, Shepard, and EDI. It was hard to pinpoint who he was referring to or perhaps he was referring to both. I didn't want to ask for clarity but instead I asked for the whole story. "what happened?" I asked in a solemn voice with a hint of sympathy.

I had already known what happened, we escaped the blast, left Shepard behind, got stuck on this planet. I had already been briefed by multiple people in their vain attempts to try and justify to me why we had to leave her behind followed by "she was a good commander" or "I can't begin to understand how you feel" or even "If you need anything, just let me know" as if my sudden situation provided a perfect opportunity for that minimal to 'help me out'. But I had yet to really speak to joker, he said a couple things when we were both outside of the Normandy, but nothing really solid was ever said between us of what really happened.

Throwing his heads out of his hands he began. "When Shepard made it to the beam, when we could see _someone_ had made it to the Citadel, that was my queue to head down and pick everyone up so we could all get out of there, together." His voice was hoarse, and there was a tone of helpless guilt that told me how much the events weighed on him. HE had chosen to leave her, HE pressed the buttons. To him, it was all on him that we were where we are now, and he felt the full force of that. Regardless of whether or not it was the right tactical decision.

"You were probably 'out' in the med bay by the time we had everyone back on board. So then I just brought us back to the Citadel and waited for her signal. Waited to get her out. To get us all out. Cause that's my job, THATS WHAT I DO! And... fuck I... there was nothing, no radio, no signal, not anything." He took a big gulp out of the very aromatic drink he had brought with him. "But she was still there I knew I fucking knew she was still there and we had to go get her. Once she activated it that was when we HAD to leave. But. Like. How the fuck could I just leave her behind? way to fucking go joker you unloyal shit! Fuck." His jab at himself took him out of rhythm and he had to take a moment before continuing. With a hard swallow he continued "she was still there, and she could of been dying and the one time she needs us to pull her out because she has _no one else_ and I wasn't there for her, I couldn't do it. And just... god fucking dammit." Joker was shaking, his fury at himself battled with his sorrow for control of his emotions.

I knew as much as it was down to him, that us being here wasn't _on_ him. Leaving her behind wasn't his fault. All the grey pointed at him and placed all the guilt on him, but the black and white of it all was clear about there was no other option. And through that I had to believe if he could of stayed, he would have, I believe he would have, and I wasn't angry at him for not doing so, nor did I blame him for abandoning _her_. Regardless it was hard to know what to say in this moment, and so we sat in another moment where neither of us spoke. Eventually joker eventually picked up the silence.

"And then she had to go ahead and kill herself to save us all..." he said.

"It didn't take EDI long to figure that, you know, that blast was probably going to kill her. So not only did I leave Shepard behind, I also had to outrun this explosion in order to keep EDI alive." He shrugged at the grim reality of his story.

"She kept jabbering at me about the chances of success and how even if we reached the rendezvous with the surviving fleet we would still be overtaken by the blast and she would be killed. And fuck, she... she would not fucking accept that I could save her, that I could protect her. And she kept saying that the father I got away from earth, the father away from Shepard we would be when we had to go back and rescue her. Because EDI tracked her life signs all the way into FTL. EDI insisted we go back and save her, and that running away was pointless. That she knew she was going to die no matter what I did. I wouldn't listen and we were just getting farther and farther away and she fucking... she god dammit EDI why?! just argh!". He was breathing heavy, clearly pissed off and he had to take a few breaths before he could continue. His voice was becoming increasingly more hoarse as he continued.

"she... the last thing she said was 'I love you Jeff, but you can't save me. You can't help me. But you can help Shepard, I am taking the ship out of FTL and placing her onto the nearest planet. Damage should be minimal, go save her... goodbye' and the next thing I know she takes over the whole ships and sets us for this planet and right as we exit FTL the blast overtakes us and we lose everything, and she... shes gone. I looked over at her and she gave me this look, this goddamn fucking look, then she was gone, her lights turned off and she just slumped in her chair. Then we fucking crashed. EDI sacrificed herself to give us probably a day. We could get back a day faster than if we were at the rendezvous."

That price for hope felt too high, EDI sacrificed herself because she believed we could get to Shepard on time. EDI knew her fate and her last decision was to make the best possible chance for Shepard to survive. And if she hadn't it's likely we would have arrived too late to save Shepard. I owe so much to EDI.

"That memorial ceremony better be bullshit, and you better be right about not putting her name up. Because I've had more than enough of losing people. We'll be out of here tomorrow morning, that's... what I wanted to tell you. I should...fuck... I'll see ya." And with that Joker got up and left me to my own troubles, leaving me feeling he and I were the only one's capable of 'understanding what your going through'.

And now here I was, after dealing with the emotional roller coaster of the unknown, of whether or not she was alive, and the frustration of being light years away. Here I was sitting in the shuttle with nothing more than static information that told me "They found her" "condition critical". I barely remember getting ground side but the next thing I know I'm walking into their med tents and someone is telling me hey had spent half of their med-tents reserve of supplies –which isn't as much as you'd think- keeping her alive, they even had her in her own shattered room, while hundreds were crowded in the other we had to walk through. Seeing her body was like seeing a ghost... like seeing a corpse. She was almost unrecognizable under all the blood, and bandages, and no armour or clothing to speak of. Some small pile of tattered officers clothes were off in the corner and she was covered with bandages. My mind rejected what I was seeing, it refused to believe it, for an entire moment my mind screamed in sorrow at her death, at my glorious loss of the only person in the galaxy I could ever truly love. Even when I saw her chest move, up... then down again, it took me a moment to accept it. The battle between black and white, life and death, ended with the grey of we needed to get her to the Normandy. My moment of shell shock, which felt like it lasted for endless minutes, really only took the span of a few seconds.

All the medics, and nurses, and other faceless people from the Normandy started swarming her, and her face disappeared from view as everyone proceeded to lift her bed and carry her back towards the Normandy. I moved beside her and grabbed her hand, cold to the touch, and walked with her. I could catch all the hushed voices and solemn stares as I moved with them through the room of countless injured, through a muddy field of what was once a park and back to the Normandy.

There was so much darkness everywhere, the destruction, the dead, the injured, the lost, the look on everyone's faces. And those moments without her, and not knowing felt like darkness was all but snuffing out any light in my life. And those weeks where her life hung on the wire, where Chakwas, a full medical staff, and sheer luck kept Shepard from death. Those moments felt like I was hovering over the last candle, the last and most important source of life, and every time it flickered came the terrifying possibility that it had reached it's end, and it was about to go out right in front of me. And you had to watch that candle, you had to stay near that light because if you left it, if you looked away for just a second, it could be gone forever and you with have nothing left but the darkness and the thoughts of how she told you she would always be looking down and you'd never be alone.

#

Light. Shepard. Shepard was the light. It was her, but also not. Nonetheless her presence felt very familiar. She was like a VI type hologram made of white sparkling light, slightly transparent. But all her features were there and it felt like her, not a likeness of her like that stupid Shepard VI I hung around back on those days on the Citadel. When I started speaking to this thing I felt like I was speaking to her.

"Garrus! I.. I'm so glad your alright." Shepard said, her voice emanating directly from the light and out loud so that even EDI could hear. There were no speakers anywhere and it only added to how real this thing, this... her... felt.

I stumbled over my words what could I even say? This was all too fast for me to even adjust, even the total silence from the whispers was throwing me off as you get used to voices trying to throw you into insanity.

"I.. I... Shepard... No, where's Shepard?" I managed to spit out, almost accusingly. This situation was rapidly reaching previously unknown levels of weird and confusing.

"I'm right here... or.." she looked down at her self, turning her arm made of light around as if for the first time. "I'm sorry Garrus, your too late." she said looking back at me with an apologetic face.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I asked with a raised voice. My own thoughts taking up the swarm the whispers left behind.

"Your too late. They, what they did... can't be undone, it _had_ be done. This was the only option. You were never going to save me. I.. I'm sorry I couldn't just tell you, I wanted to but... I didn't know why they took me until after we got separated and EDI disappeared. It's good to see your ok by the way" she said nodding towards EDI who had taken up position almost directly behind Shepard, but about 10 feet away.

EDI just stared at Shepard eyes moving rapidly trying to take in all this information.

"where are you, I can still stop this, I have to be able to!" I said, almost to the point of screaming.

"My body is gone Garrus. Please for my sake just get out of this place _alive_, it's not going to be safe for much longer. I love you, but there's nothing you could do now. I'm sorry." she said, and she seemed truly upset about her new form and our current situation. And all her mannerisms were still there, had she not been made of pure light this would be Shepard. This would be my Shepard. Though it is her... but... can I really believe that?

"I... no." I said, thoughts and panic grinding to a stop as a sudden coolness took over.

"I'm not leaving you Shepard, not until you explain whats going on. Then I will get EDI out of here, then I'm coming back and were going to spend what time we have left together, even if your no longer you."

An emotion flashed over her eyes that I couldn't pinpoint, but she didn't object. Though you could tell she was opposed to the idea.

EDI on the other hand gave me a strong look and I just gave her a look right back. I had to trust I was making the right decision. The black and the white, the light and the darkness. She was either dead and this is what they did to her for some still unknown purpose. Or this this was just another ruse to throw me off and she could still be out there. They grey is we need to figure out exactly what the truth is and not only save Shepard, but to stop whatever is being planned. And if Shepard's gone, I'll get EDI out of here and make every last of these bastards pay.

And once this set into my mind the lines between whether or not Shepard was friend or foe became a little more hazy. Shepard had to be still alive and there had to be more to this. I could still feel a light inside and it was guiding me towards what i needed to know and what I needed to do. I needed to find the answers and it was the answers I intended to find out.

End Chapter 13


End file.
